Hellooooo… Assalamua’alaikum…

How I really miss you my dear blog! It has been days since I logged in onto the net. What a relief! At last! Here I am... Just arrived on this island with Dila…

Saturday 19/10/02

Memories… the sweet, the sour, the ‘bitter’… and everything under the sun were recollected. The day eagerly started with an excitement and hopes… lots of hopes. The hope to rekindle the restless roaming shadow. The hope to end the day with smiles and laughters. The hope to have a safe journey. The hope to reunite. The reunion of Five Power Puff Ladies.

It was an early day… excitement awaits… the erratic Mummy had finally made her sudden decision. She decided to leave the heavy boulders behind… unpolished and unrefined. Let them be… Let them be… Let them be…

“Here I come Kuala Lumpur!” she said. Yup! Even Siti was really surprised… Even she herself was in a great surprise…

The bus came at 9.15 after both of them had their breakfast at Taman Dato Sardun. Siti left for work and Mummy left for Kuala Lumpur. The journey was not tiring at all. She managed to stay awake the whole 4.30 hours on the bus. Excitement impeded her from falling asleep. Excitement impeded her from slouching. She sat straight sucking lollipops and watching “So Close” and “Derailed”. The hand phone kept beeping sending messages after other and another. Time was really well occupied. The journey ended as a short journey. Not even a tinge of tiredness was felt. Time passed without even she realized it. It was indeed an invigorating journey. The hasty burdens were left behind. They were left in the tiny suffocating island… in a chaotic mess. Let them be… Let them be… Let them be…

Muahaha… what a nice experience! A chubby lady like her was ‘pewwwwiittted’ by the passer-bys. The motorists gave a curious and perhaps a ‘gatal’ glance! Unbelievable! Muahahah again… Alas! The ‘kuda belang’ arrived… thanks dear sahabat! The sun had already scorched her… muakaka… just kidding. Then off they went to TJ… gathered there, the four of them… and off again… to the destination…

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There?
off goes the winter
Hi dearie spring
off goes the springtime
Hi ouchy summer
off goes the summer
Hiya brown fall
off goes the fall
again… welcome cold white winter
Here?
drip… drop… drip… drop…
Says the rain
crash… boom… crack
Says the thunder
whish… whosh… zrasss…
Says the storm…
auww… ouch… iurghh…
Says those who are scorched by the fierce sun
Now… This moment… This day…
the weather is finely fused… finely mused…
East West North South
The murmur of a lonely symphony
into
The rebirth of jazz and soul
in merriment… in suppressed tears… in gratitude…
celebrating the union
the hearts of five dance
Welcome back to the kampung soil!
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Sunday 20/10/02

The night was spent at Ayla’s… woke up early in the morning with hopes and anticipations… yet… tickets were sold out… nil… and no other means to go back there… nil…

bukannya aku ingin sangat untuk pulang ke pulau itu… tetapi kaki perlu digagahkan untuk melangkah… hati perlu dicekalkan… kekusutan itu perlu dihadapi dengan tenang dan sabar… Ya Allah! Ku pohon kekuatan dan hidayah darimu… hanya Engkau yang Maha Memahami segala sesuatu…

The afternoon was spent at Dila’s… washing clothes and dozing off while waiting for the clothes to dry… After Asar… off to Bangi for a sumptuous iftar… nyummy… yummy… burppp… thanks gals! Thank you for the dinner and the time… Thank you for the roof and the shelter… May the Almighty repay thou kindness…

walaupun senyuman dan keriangan terpancar di wajah… riak kesedihan seakan sukar usai dari benak fikiran… hati dibayangi kabut kelabu… kabut degil yang sukar dilenyapkan… kegembiraan berbaur kesedihan memancar aroma kegelisahan… kegelisahan yang memenatkan setiap saraf… setiap denyutan nadi… setiap denyut jantung… wajah merah ceria… benak pucat lesi… segalanya mungkin… segala yang buruk… segala yang baik… segala yang bodoh… segala yang pasti dan tidak pasti… aku pasrah…


Monday 21/10/02

STRANDED in Kuala Lumpur… still...
in madness… in numbness… in guilt… in sorrow… in melancholic happiness…

hikety… dokety… dooo…
brikety… bukety… booo…

The day ended with satisfied hunger… bitter regrets… and a revelation!


Tuesday 22/10/02

Nisfu Syaban!

Rasa berat untuk meninggalkan kotaraya ini…
Namun, walaupun geruh terasa…
Bersemuka adalah lebih baik dari menikus
Bertentang mata adalah lebih baik dari berselindung
Kenapa perlu takut?
Takut itu hanya kepada Dia…
Kenapa perlu gusar?
Gusar itu tunjahan iblis…
Kenapa perlu lari?
Lari itu sifat pengecut…
Persoalannya…
Adakah aku cukup berani?
Adakah aku cukup tenang?
Adakah aku cukup tabah?

I really feel like puking out my tummy… the mixture of the emotions is unbearable… I want to let them go… I want to be free… I want to have peace…

truttt… truttt… truttt… truttt…

The early morning phone conversation leads to a relief and stress free state of being… An advice was sought and good advice was given… The heavy weight has somehow being lifted…

The Verdict:

I was advised to not submit the thesis this mid-November. Hence, an F will be given. F will temporarily appear on my result slip until I pass the thesis. Forego the remaining 10 credits registration on the 25th. October. Hence, money will not be wasted. Take a break… Polish the paper by considering feedback received during the presentation… Come out with a concrete and good literature review including a sensible theoretical framework… Carry on with the subject at hand… Stick to the same supervisor… No other proposal presentation… May 2003… register again… every data is there… just assemble all the information… edit and submit… how about that?

Alhamdulillah… though there will be a bit technical disruption with the scholarship… this advice is really a stress free and an invigorating advice… Insya-Allah myself, my family, my friends, my government and everybody out there… I’ll give my 110%... I must… I can… I will…

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Hey tiny island! I’m baccccckkkkkkk! More dangerous than ever… Thank you Allah for helping me… Thank you very much… Indeed, today is really a blessed nisfu Syaaban...