Alhamdulillah... I am very grateful to Allah the Almighty for blessing me with tranquility and a peace of mind...

To be at home is such an expressible relaxing experience... I love Jasin... I love Kesang Jaya... though my house is terribly messy... yet... inwardly, it is not so... Everything flows smoothly... just like water flowing from a beautiful small stream... berkat kedua emak dan ayah... berkat doa' emak... berkat memandang wajah emak dan ayah dengan pandangan kasih, sayang dan hormat...

Tomorrow, I'll be going back to the suffocating island again. Yeah... I'm sad... it's like an invisible prison... just like the Alcatraz... no escape... except through a painful luck... will there be one?

However, itsokay... the weighted load of going back to the island is partially lifted with the company of my two beloved men... ayah and Arif... thanks guys for understanding me and sparing your time to support me spiritually, emotionally, mentally and even in financial contribution. Thanks again guys... Sucksss... the university is looking forward for a swift side-kick from me perhaps... My patience is really tested... I am yet to pay my rent, my loan, my phone bills... and to think of not being able to go down south to meet my sahabat on her day of arrival really boils my blood... How I wish I have the strength to disobey my parents and storm into the HR office and firmly state my decision to let go the fellowship... I wish... how I really wish...

Oh dear... I'm having this sickening thoughts again... I feel sick to the stomach... before barbing out... let me sign out... enjoy the Japanese mp3... and continue my work... I must finish it... I have to finish it well... I must pass the viva.... I must... I must detach myself from the mind haunting island... if not forever at least for sometimes till I regain enough strength to tear apart the Alcatraz walls... I must... I must... All the best to me!

n.b. My best guy friends asked me these: "Mummy, why Penang in the first place?" Hahahaha... I laughed... "Mummy, why did you let go the UiTM scholarship?" Hahahaha... again I laughed... and the laughter is even louder...

Salam and selawat ke atas Junjungan Besar Nabi Muhammad p.b.h.
Dear Allah, I seek your Rahman and Rahim... please endow me these:
May I live in tears...
May I live in peace...
May I die in peace...
May I die with smiles...
For thou knoweth what I have suffered
For thou knoweth what have I sacrificed
For thou the All-Knowing...
Even the tiniest restlessness in my soul
Grant me strength
Grant me patience
Grant me peace
Accept me... a sinner I am... I do not worth an acceptance
Accept my love... Accept my fear...though I do not worth either
Accept my prayers... And all my good deeds...
Indeed I do not merit your heaven...
Yet... if hell is my place... You are the All-Knowing...
Your Acceptance, Your Love and Meeting You are all I seek...
Blessings and prayers for my parents and my gurus...
Walhamdulillahi Rabbil A'lamin

Time to lay back... to ponder... to recap... to close my eyes... good nite all!