i gots the headache again... the banging seemeds louder... i gots the chill... it swepts across my bones, my nerves, my necks... my footses were numb and cold... seriously cold... by one tap on the mouse pad i've sent it away through the cyberspace... what will he say? what will be the verdict? must he see me that soon? i loathe the meeting! i loathe the lying! i loathe the self that is pretending to be casual and happy! i loathe them all!!! i loathe to be a hypocrite! i'm not the one... i'm not the only... the insignificant significant... still... my footses were cold... icy cold... can i close my eyes tonight! bahhhh... whatever happens... happens... am i in control? i can if i want to... arrrggghhhhhh... this pain stinks... it definitely stinks... can i scream my lungs out? useless... the neighbours might get up... i might scare them... what should i do? breath in? breath out? don't breath at all?

God, do give me strength and patience to endure your tests... I believe that I am not the 'right' person to ask things from You... a weak and tiny human I am... I beg for your Mercy... I beg for your Forgiveness... I beg for your Guidance... please give me the strength to be steadfast... please give me the might to be patient... please give me the heart to endure them all... May tranquility reach my wandering soul... Amin...