Alhamdulillah... just recovered from seizures of massive headaches. Just having a mild wobbly aftermath. This is really disturbing. I have lots to read yet unable to do so. My life as a student is at stake.
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Prof said that we don't have to be jealous of those who have and those who are richer than us because the richer they are, the greater accountability they have.
Not much to ponder. Prof is right in every single sense. I myself have known this fact since my involvement in the persatuan. It only disturbs me when someone near me is suffering and I am unable to help due to my limited financial capability. It further disturbs me when someone near you is in hunger yet you flash your money around for self "fishes" reasons. Isn't that inconsiderate?
Well.. anyway, though I am a poor student, I am grateful and happy that I am blessed with caring sisters who really take care after my health and sustenance. I am grateful and happy that I still have a father who really cares about my well-being. I am grateful and happy that I have brothers who "sometimes" ask about whether I'm ok or not. I am grateful and happy for the circle of friends that I have. I am grateful and happy for the life that I am still living and the air that I am still breathing-in. Above all, I am ultimately grateful to Allah for my past, present and if He permits, tomorrow.
A friend once asked me, if I were to know that I would be dead tomorrow, what would be the last thing that I wanted or wished to do? Well... I didn't answer her immediately because I had no idea at all of what I would want or wish to do. For me, I have no right at all to wish. It is indeed under His Rahman and Rahim that I am living up to this point of time. To wish of having to do something before dying is very selfish of me. Shame of me because all this while He has bestowed everything upon me. A lowly servant like me doesn't have the right to ask for more worldly matters or even to ask for a tiny drop of sand when death is to invite. As if to put a pre-requisite for death. I should have struggled every day and every night to be prepared in meeting death and eventually to be with Him. At the same time I should live this life with a cause that enables me to meet death with an open arm. A bridge. As a lowly servant of His, I can only sincerely pray for His acceptance of me as His servant.
Hmm... I am still dazed with that question. If you were me, what would your answer be?
rasa bahagia... semasa Adi masih terlalu kecil... assignment 0708 di Pantai Air Papan, Mersing...
waaa... sangat penat kakiku ini... lima kali aku ulang-alik dari Insted ke Central... kalau tapette juga tak dapat nak nolong eh... so much for kehidupan sihat... huhuhuhu...
My day started as early as 6.30 am. Already in Dila's car, playing my role as a "mem besar". Not "membesar". Again, "mem besar". She dropped me infront of the audi and I hang at the HS canteen just to wait for my lasagne to be ready. Yup! I've been taking pieces of lasagne for breakfast these few weeks. Eat like a king, I heard. After gulping those pills, Kak Tim joined in. She's got her session with Prof. Y. As for me, I've got class at 3.30 pm. Since my feet are not fit to drive Maniobi, at present, Dila will do all the drivings for me and if I were to drive, I'll borrow her auto Mebeque. Yeah... the one with the Ps... huhuhuhu...
I then parked myself at my favourite cubicle in the Resource Centre. Why this cubicle is my fav? Well, it is quite isolated, well-hidden and behind the seat there is a magazine rack where most of the time the old magazines would become my pillows. Hahahahaha... Best gilos! I once caught myself snoring in that quiet RC. Wow! Unbelievable. Now, I have to accept the fact that accidentally dozing off is almost normal (which is not in actual fact) after a dose of carbo meals. Sorry doc!
When I almost got the momentum to revise my notes, there came the temptation that invited me for a coffee break. It was 10.45 am. Feeling a bit frustrated, I was defeated. Frustrated? Yup, I received an sms from a classmate saying that the afternoon's class was cancelled because the lecturer was on an mc. Should have followed my instinct early this morning and just stayed at home. To continue, after a boost of cucumber and lime ice-blended, the abandoned task was resumed. Yeah right... after 30 minutes, again, I felt sleepy again. Bad sugar. Bad. Bad sugar.
Not even an hour lapse, Kak Tim asked me to join her and the daughter for lunch at Bamboo. To go or not to go? Defeated again, I went. I just took a bit of rice and made vegies occupied my plate. It was nyummy. I wish I've taken a pic or two just to make the bumblebee-doc-to-be jealous... hehehehe...
After lunch, my tummy again went haywire. However, after a dose of Kopie Satu at 3.30 pm, yup, the momentum was heightening and I was able to complete my revision and a bit of reading until 6. Caffeine power! I have to admit that I am still an evening type of person no matter how hard I've tried to become a morning person. The RC closed at 6 and Dila came at 6.30. Well, I managed to "poison" Dila and made us went back home early. Yehaaa!!!
Tonight, though my body is a bit weary from the day, it is a bit difficult for me to sleep. I am blaming that powerful Kopie Satu no. 3. A blessing in disguise indeed because rather than tossing restlessly on my bed, I managed to read the assigned reading for my sit-in class, Critical Pedagogy.
Personally, I found that it was not an easy reading. The title of the reading is "Theories of Schooling and Society: The Functional and Conflict Paradigms". I succeeded to read and understand the first two pages and stopped at the discussion on Human Capital Theory. It is not the language that makes it indigestible (does this word exist?). It is the idea and the burden of thoughts that come together with the language that makes it all blurry. Plus the contribution of my weary eyes, mind and body. I wish to talk in length about this. I already have a bucketful of questions to ask Prof. Y. However, I wish to give a pause to it and reserve my comments until after I've read the whole chapter.
Come to think of it, this semester, I seem to be much occupied in my sit-in subject rather than those registered subjects. It is just this wonderful feeling of learning in a real sense.
It has been almost two days I kept myself locked in my room. The unbearable headache that I've got since Thursday seems to be persistent. The high pitched sound of my niece's and nephews' tantrums seems to add more to the pain. And, that is why I keep myself locked in my room.
My sleep has no dreams. It was all black. My sister said I didn't even move a muscle, in a static position she said. I am worried. I don't want my physical conditions to disturb my learning and studying routines. I am taking 3 plus 1 classes this semester. 2 prerequisite, 1 core and 1 sit-in. All with great educators and meaningful lessons.
Oh dear... I have to totally change my lifestyle and my diet. For the betterment. As Dila always said, "Long, otak kau sangat bernilai untuk memperjuangkan nasib anak bangsa. Kau kena sihat untuk berjuang." Hmmm... She might have some points.
Just woke up with banging head, aching body and painful numb feet. I am nearing my death bed. There are lots to do. There are lots yet to be done. There are lots and lots of them.
Anyway, my narration today is not to lament my state of being. I am grateful for being just me. I am grateful for the challenges He set upon me. The question is whether I dare to face these challenges. And, the recent one after the other New Year celebration is the beginning of another chapter in my short-lived life.
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In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
The first new year, according to the Hijr Calendar and it fell on the 29th. December 2008. A day with tearful recollections. It has been four years without. Alhamdulillah, each one of us is able to lead a fair life. Though it seems like isolating ourselves from the closest kins, in actual fact we, me myself particularly are/is coping with the trials and tribulations of life which are never easy.
This Muharram, 1430H, it should be the beginning of another journey to be faced with courage and to be contemplated with wisdom in becoming a Melayu Mu’min. May Allah permits.
At the moment, there are chunks of disarray thoughts that I wish to keyboard on this blog. My esteemed Prof. Y said that his students have to learn writing a narrative with concrete concepts. Ideas with substance. Hmmm... I wonder how am I going to do that.
Coming back to Muharram 1430H, this year, alhamdulillah, for the first time it started with a meaningful event. We had an eventful Hari Tenaga Pengajar in IKBN Melaka. Though our honourable Guru was physically not there, yet he was there in strength and spirit. May he recover soon. Amin.
For the first time too, I attended the event as a full participant. It felt quite weird, different and sometimes a bit liberating. The day started when we travelled in convoy to Masjid Tanah. Yeah, a bit peculiar. IKBN Alor Gajah yet it is located in Masjid Tanah. Hmm... so Melaka... hahahaha...After eating loads of cekodok Selandar, happily we drove unhurriedly. In my case, I just drank a cup of hot tea. My tummy was a bit grumpy and that made me a bit grumpy too. If previously, we took almost two hours from Jasin to reach Masjid Tanah, now, it is only 45 minutes. With the new MITC route, I could not even have a prolonged nap. Tragic indeed!
We arrived at 8.15 am and all the AJK Pusat, YDP, SU and Bendahari were already in the meeting. The next following event would be a meeting with all the Penyelia. The event that I must attend would start only at 2.30 pm. We had to be early because Arif and his friends were charged with the responsibility of handling the photography session which started at 9. Talking of how pampered the Tenaga Pengajar are, yeah, we brought the studio to them for free. Iskh iskh iskh...
We hang out at the canteen and also the main hall to fill in time. I proposed sightseeing to Tanjung Bidara beach. Sitots was all stoked about it yet the proposal was not realised due to the photography session and the heaviness of our tunnis to get into the car and drive. Plus, there were too many of us. A convoy? Perhaps no. And there we were socialising with members from all over Malaysia. There were almost 800 Tenaga Pengajar there. I was having marvellous time socialising. Oh ya! That tummy ache? Not totally gone, able to be suppressed. Mind power!
Guilt trap during lunch. We planned to drive out and eat pure asam pedas Melaka at any warungs in Masjid Tanah. However, the head of organising committee detected our intention and asked us to not go. Instead, he prepared a table for us. Aiyaaa... I felt so spoilt and obviously non-deserving of such kind of treatment. Wished to be ordinary just like everyone else, yet, we were caught in our unruly devised plan. Well, as the saying goes, “rezeki jangan ditolak”. I had my lunch with a bit of guilt and also gratefulness to the ever-friendly orang Melaka. Alhamdulillah.
After purging activity at Kak Rozi’s room, feeling fresh and refreshed, we went for our first event, the recitation of Yasin and Tahlil at the musolla. Personally, I was a bit emotional. All the details of four years ago seemed to flash infront of my eyes. Vivid. Just like watching frames after frames of moving slides. May Allah bless her and put her amongst the blessed ones. Emak, you’ll always be my hero!
Immediately after, we had a launching ceremony of Hari Tenaga Pengajar. Abang Maiden did the launching on behalf of the honourable Guru. Abang Olin delivered his piece on the data management. Despite the tranquillity of the place and the smoothness of the programme, there were still some who never fail to create issues and dissatisfactions. I guess regardless of who and what you are, it is a norm to some to condone the basic necessity of humanity and instead, to be an accomplice to satanic deeds is somewhat satisfactory. Highlighting and condemning weaknesses are virtues whereas noting and suggesting ways to overcome weaknesses, politely, seem non-existence. Though this was not a general value, a drop of it could taint the purity of the whole institution. This contamination compound must be eradicated. Another filtration process is yet to be carried out. I really pray that I am not one of the contamination compounds. I wish to be steadfast and to remain as pure as the ionised H2O. To cleanse my heart and my whole being. Observing my own adab and attitude as His servant. My life and my death only for Him.
The whole programme ended at 5.45 pm. The pressing need to answer the call of mother nature had really spoilt the closure of my socialising activity. Whammy! After, Dila and I went to the canteen, again, for a bowl of mee sop. There were some members left, the rest had returned to their far-away lands. A call from home made us realised that it was already 7.15 and we had to hurry back as we were supposed to fetch Angah and the kids and went back straight to KL. Ayah was already a bit restless and angry because he really disliked us driving on the highways at such late hours. Tragic.. huhuuhuhuhu... However, only Angah, the kids and Arif went back that night. Dila and I opted for 5 am the next day. My blurry sights and numb feet including Dila’s weak night vision made us incompetent night drivers.
So, that’s how the first day of 1430H ended. A very sensible beginning.
We arrived KL at 8.25 am, 2 Muharram 1430H & 30 December 2008M. Dila would have a meeting at her school at 9 am and I would have mine at 1 pm. A new part-time job in another university. This time it is in the middle of the town. My body, mind and soul were a bit queasy. It did not feel right. As if things would go against me. I believed this. I believed my instincts and the belief was proven right.
I intended to depart from Gombak to the meeing venue at 11 am. Kak Tim invited me to join her discussion with Prof. Y but I had to decline. I was groggy from the very early morning departure from Jasin plus the disturbing sugar level that I had. I spent time at the resource centre tidying up my translation work. At 11, the drive to Petaling Jaya was not my preference. Kuala Lumpur drivers have become madder than ever. I drove Dila’s car which has huge Ps front and back. But that is not a reason for other drivers to bully me, to hog me as close as possible, to honk at me, to jump into my queue, to cut lines without giving any signals, to be inconsiderate, and to be inhumane. Hello Malaysian drivers who drive recklessly, your intensity of life to drive like F1 drivers on Malaysian roads is not my intensity of life. My intensity of life does not have to do with dying like flattened frogs on the road. Is it my sin to follow the rules and regulations?
I guess, if I were to stay here far longer, instead of dying due to diabetic complications, I would have died due to driving stress or Allah forbids, an accident. On another scale, not only drivers in Kuala Lumpur are getting madder, drivers in Melaka have got the same issue. Or, does this happen everywhere in Malaysia? Has life and to be alive lost its value?
I really had a bad day on roads. Cruel traffic on my way there and even crueller traffic on route back to Gombak. Plus, the burden of having loaded kidneys. The torture was even unbearable. Curse for the locked boxes in the faculty. Yeah, only staff possess the key to that boxes. Quite pathetic huh?
The day was ended with a truly bad incident which I refuse to narrate here. It was so bitter that every single membranes in my psyche seems to revolt against it. As yucky as it could be and it could taint my sane existence as a being. May Allah forgive me for this weak point of mine.
31st. December 2008, a day before the other New Year. A full class day, both morning and afternoon. Luckily, the precious night class was rescheduled to Friday morning. I was still under yesterday’s hang over plus the almost feverish body and the coughing. The day went without any peculiar much ado. However, it was the night that really surprised me. I thought that Malaysia was not going to celebrate New Year. However, I almost woke up from my feverish sleep hearing one after another of explosions. I thought I was in Gaza. Nope, reality bites. I was and am still in Malaysia. Yup! 2009 New Year was celebrated as usual. Enough said. I went back to my aching slumber. Aching in the sense that I was in a truly physical pain. Aching is also in the sense of thinking what would be the fate of those youngsters. Enough said. Just read the newspapers to know what had become of them. A nausea.
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I myself don’t feel really good now. Let me stop my narration and gulp down some elixir to reboost my weak self. All the above are just my sickly mucous. Upon release, the body would be free from its toxic compounds. Hence, wellness would be invited into the system. The system would function well. The solid structure then would be restored.
Selamat Menyambut 1430H & Happy New Year 2009M!
May both years bring us a deeper contemplation and a deeper sense of humanity!
Today is indeed a meaningful day. And I almost get the grasp of “live the day as if you’ll live forever and live the day as if you’ll die tomorrow”. Almost.
Intriguing enough, my ordinary life as a meaning seeker started as early as six in the morning. Being shaken off from the restless slumber, I woke up in daze. Instead of blood, thick lead seemed to be running throughout my veins. Yup! The ugly draggy laziness. The thought that this would be the day where the challenges would be ready to devour me made those numb feet and brain stirred to life. Jumping off the bed, in a jiff I was ready for action.
The first challenge of the day was to quieten the bodily melody. A morsel of Arabian delicacy was fed to satisfy, just satisfy, not to fully satify the raging disturbance. End of the first chapter and onward to the second challenge.
To be charged with ideas somewhat distant from my ideals. To be exposed with the intricacies of education, politics and one’s principles. To be ripped open and rendered to the bitter reality. To uphold one’s virtues. To muse on the glory of the golden era. My mind started to feel the warmth. The dormant machine started to pump. Comparing. Evaluating. Judging. Connecting. Thinking? The beginning of a journey.
Third. The most difficult of all challenges of the day. Ever, at the receiving end. Am I being manipulative? Am I being opportunistic? Am I being stingy? Worst. I felt and always feel like a beggar feeding from the palms. Totally inadequate. Social justice and sharing of wealth. On my part, what wealth?
The fourth. Repetition? Refresher? Reminder. Almost anesthetized my ready-to-work-out neurons. My medula oblongata was crying out loud for difference. Yet, have to abide for the sake of those newbies. A bit of a pause.
The fifth and the ultimate. A pleasurable self inflicted pain. Huh? Mind bondage? Though it might look like a hard control, being prisoned within the dull four white walls from six to eight thirty with a grumbling organ to be disciplined, in actuality it is a soft control. As I perceive it. Sharp stabs, like acupuncture needles, are dart-thrown to awaken the sleeping beauty. New concepts. No. Unthinkable alien concept was introduced. Far from the expected. Far from what sketched in my worldview. Mind-boggling yet true to the every single veins and senses. Social justice. Creating our own narrative. Learning, an accident, from the life. Living the knowledge in its purest being. Torturous? Nope. An unnoticed torture. A delightful enlightening brute. Crave for it. Addicted to it. Looking forward for it. Doesn’t it look like a soft control?
Well. This is what I am trying to do. This is what I am exercising and disciplining myself to do.
Writing a narrative. Critical.
It may not make sense. It may not sound sane. This is just the beginning. Day one.
Wahhh... Semester sudah bermula. Semalam ada kelas Innovation. Kelas yang aku repeat... hahaha... Aku sengaja mengantoikan diri untuk paper ni last two sems. Aku dapat incomplete sebab tak hantar project paper dan this sem status incomplete dah tukar jadi fail. So, kena repeat la. Anyway, semalam lecturer aku kata aku tak perlu buat assignment untuk kelas repeat ni sebab I did all the presentations and the minor assignments previous class... hhahahaha... Ya, talking about me and my being naughty.
Anyway, today, I can't feel my legs. Its numbness is driving me nuts. Sakit oooo jalan dari audi sampai Insted semalam. Tensi... Tensi... I must get that dosage of ALA asap.
Orraits, aku ingat sempena semester baru ni aku nak chaiyok update blog. Tensi gak bila adik aku Acu buang link aku dari blog dia. Dia kata, "Long, kenapa la blog kau macam dah tak bernyawa jek." Hahahaha... Memang pun. Just like the owner yang hampir putus nyawa tahan sakit kaki ni.... huhuuhuhu...
Hari ni aku nak tepekkan satu thesis review yang telah membuatkan aku PASS pre-requisite course EDF6801 Qualitative Research yang sangat tapet semester lalu... I am very grateful... Terima kasih Ya Rab untuk ilham pada jam 4 pagi tersebut... Alhamdulillah...
It was a great thesis indeed... Here goes...
Schneider, Kristina (August, 2008). A Qualitative Study of Five Authors of Five Blogs on Training and Development. A thesis written in partial fulfilments of the requirements for the degree of MA in Educational Technology, ConcordiaUniversity. A PDF file retrieved on September 15th., 2008, from the World Wide Web.
As noted in the opening sentence of the thesis, “One of the challenges of working in a profession is keeping current with the field.” The author of this thesis has discussed in great details about her study on professional development and blog as the training and development resource. As observed, much emphasis and care had been given especially in the research design and the report of the qualitative results. In view of its general organisational structure, this thesis is divided into six parts of discussions namely: Background on Professional Development and Blogs in Training and Development including its Research Questions; Literature on the Forms of Professional Development, Social Computing and the Credibility of Blogs; Methodology of the Study; Discussion on the Five Case Studiesin in great details; Analysis and Findings of the Study; and its Conclusions and Recommendations for Further Research. At the end of the thesis, appendices on the questionnaire and the related protocols were attached. The following paragraphs will present a critical analysis of the thesis particularly on the purpose/justification of the study, its design and instrumentation together including its data collection.
To find the broad purpose of the study is not a tough task. It is evident in the final sentence of the introductory paragraph. However, in order to understand the purpose in detail, it requires an extra amount of focus in reading and getting at the whole idea of the study. The purpose of the study is clear as stated on page 17 before the list of research questions; to quote,
Although the issue is most widely raised in the field of journalism, it is also onethat concerns blogs in the field of training and development. How do these bloggersdetermine what to write about? From where do they receive their information? And howdo they verify their information? That’s what this study intends to find out.
1.Who are the bloggers in the field? That is, what motivates them to blog and what qualifications do they believe they bring to the task?
2.What is their purpose in blogging? That is, what do they hope to accomplish? What influence do they hope to achieve, if any?
3.What do professionals in the educational technology who choose to blog choose to write about?
4.How do they select the content to report? How do they verify the content, if at all?
5.What evidence do the bloggers have of their influence?
The questions are posed from the perspective of the blogger i.e. emic perspective and to depart from the above questions, phenomenological qualitative research design was employed by the author.
Upon first reading of the thesis, I was overwhelmed with the usage of the word “blogs”. It has been used extensively throughout the thesis and I was lost in the commonly accepted nature of blogs as a social discourse and their questionable credibility as resources, or the study’s artefacts. However, after repeated reading, the whole discussion of the study could be generated into senses. The author had undeniably given an amount of explanation on efforts to ensure trustworthiness and credibility of the conclusions by using measures such as triangulation (p. 51-52). Context was carefully established in order to provide a clear view on the study of interest.
Salute to the author because it is apparent that she had carried out elaborate efforts in gathering literature on the topics of interest. The list of references is noticeably lengthy. It has, therefore, provided an ample framework for the study. Yet, the author discussed professional development and training in academic endeavour in a humble manner. Focus was given more on edubloggers and the blogs. This is totally relevant because the study itself seeks to understand the phenomenon experienced by the edubloggers through their blogging activities. Though the study is illuminated by a good amount of literature, grounded theory is to be established through four-month cross-case analysis of five case studies and artefact analysis.
This thesis analysis has indeed suggested strong positive reactions towards the study from the eyes of the audience i.e. me myself. The strength of this study was observable in its Chapter 4, in which the author narrated in detail the five cases under study and also Chapter 5, when the author put forth her findings and analysis of the results. These two parts of discussions were interesting readings. The recruitment process of the participants was elaborated. Each of the chosen cases has its background information, analysis of the entries and also its author’s perspective on the blog as derived from an interview. Care has been given to ensure confidentiality and anonymity of the participants.
As for the design and instrumentation of the study, they were emphasised in detail. A working knowledge on qualitative research would be very helpful in understanding the whole design and instrumentation. The research questions matched the research design advanced by the author. The data collection comes from the analysis of the artefacts i.e. the blogs to assess the content and interviews to identify the intentions and motivations of the bloggers. The data was analysed, as mentioned before, through triangulation using two methods from five blogs in order to reduce assumptions (p. 46).
Finally, data collection of this study is to be scrutinised. The author did not give any mentioned on specific dates on which the research instrument was administered. This is understood as the author had to observe all the five blogs’ contents daily until she was exhausted with the data gained. As for the interviews, suitable time was identified because the participants were greatly separated by time zones and geographical spaces. To reiterate the observation made in previous paragraph, a questionnaire was used as the study’s research instrument. However, it is important to highlight that in this study, the word “questionnaire” is not to be misunderstood with the typical questionnaire employed in a quantitative study. Questionnaire in this study refers to the proposed interview guide to be followed. There are eight guiding questions and the 45-60 minutes interview session was recorded.
In summation, this thesis has definitely provided critical mental and intellectual challenges in comprehending its content; yet, with wholesome depth and understanding of the subject matter. This study was highly qualitative in nature that readers of the thesis need to have an amount of knowledge in qualitative study in order to better understand the valuable gist that the thesis could provide. To end, there is a sense of satisfaction and completion after reading the thesis because the study has ventured into unique findings rather than the directed-to-confirm findings. Indeed, as one has been exposed to a qualitative study, the sense of richness and depth is something that might not be compromised with the other statistical laden type of research. An obvious laborious and rigorous data collection methodology yet, with an infinite sense of fulfilment. This is what this selected thesis has achieved.
Setelah sekian lama aku menyepi kini aku muncul kembali bersama semangat bulan yang mulia ini. Aku rasa amat gembira dan bersyukur kerana diizinkanNYA untuk menikmati bulan yang mulia ini sekali lagi. Alhamdulillah...
Kehidupan aku walaupun masih belum stabil dari segi kerjaya, aku gembira. Gembira mendapat dua kumpulan pelajar ASPER yang sungguh optimis dan kreative dalam mempelajari bahasa Inggeris. Yup! Aku juga gembira belajar walaupun minggu lepas aku ada berniat untuk tarik diri dari kelas Qualitative Research. Perghhh... namun, ku gagahkan jua semangat. Alang-alang menyeluk pekasam biar sampai ke pangkal lengan. Redah jerrr...
Kelas Creative Thinking yang berat dengan ilmu falsafah membuatkan hidupku bermakna walaupun aku hanya sit-in student sahaja. Apa lagi... oh ya, kelas Pak Aziz seperti biasa berstruktur dan menarik. Kini, aku cuma sedikit gelabah kerana masih banyak kertas peperiksaan yang belum ditanda. Fuhhhhh...
Menambahkan keriangan... esok, ya, esok Faiz akan sampai ke bumi Malaysia. Yehaaaaa!!! Disebabkan kapalterbang dia sampai pagi, aku tidak dapat menjemput beliau di KLIA. Aku ada kelas daaa... Oleh itu, tak sabar rasanya nak balik Melaka Jumaat ini untuk mencium bau kari Bangalore adindaku Faiz... hahahahaha...
Oraits... Kemas tak bahasa Malaysia o? Hahahaha... Sudah lama tidak menggunakan Bahasa Malaysia kemas, gian... tapi itu pun masih kurang kemas lagi... huhuuh...
Baiklah, kepada semua yang mengenali aku, walaupun sighnomore kurang aktif sejak dua menjak ini, aku ingin mengucapkan ribuan terima kasih di atas sokongan anda semua. Kurang aktif kerana sejak akhir-akhir ini aku kekurangan bahan untuk dikeluh kesahkan. Hidup semakin bermakna walau zahir dengan segala macam kesempitan. Alhamdulillah...
Aku doa'kan kalian mendapat erti sebenar berpuasa di bulan Ramadhan tahun ini. Selamat meneruskan ibadah puasa untuk semua dan pohon ampun maaf zahir dan batin di atas segala silap dan salah... aku hanya manusia biasa...
3 Ramadhan berlalu Jiwa pilu berbalut rindu Bonda tersayang al-Fatihah buatmu Ntah bila kan bertemu...
it is so unfair... everytime i blog, it must be something sad and pathetic... what the heck... i guess this is the place where i can thrash out all those dirts...
hmmm... nothing much... i don't want to elaborate... i just want to jot down this...
I AM TERRIBLY SAD!
ok... till later i don't know when... erkk... don't misunderstood me... my life has been a lovely one... free floating spirit... a bliss... it is just this one time that i can't stand it...
all the best to me and may Allah bless my worldly journey as a lowly servant... amin...
It comes again and I am still alive to live the first day of the year.
I shouldn't say that this first day of the year was welcomed with joy and happiness. It was not. Sad memories it is full with. Recollections it is full with. Every single pieces was replayed vividly. Of those sorrow moments three years ago.
I reflected and recounted. I've found out that I've wasted so much time on nothing. I've found out that there are more to do in order to further know my own self. I've found out that need to progress in terms of being an 'abd and a khalifah.
I cried and cried and cried. But, crying won't help.
Stand up! Pull self together! March forward! Hijrah!
I promise myself that this new 1429 Hijrah year would be different. Insya-Allah.
i can't sleep... i passed out after 6pm and woke up at 11pm... my body is still not functioning accordingly... luckily i will not be having any classes for these remaining days of the week...
yesterday i experienced series of vomitting and bloating... very bad indeed... everything was poured onto my bed... i was terribly weak and hardly had any strength to move my muscles... my sugar reading was 17.3... ayah called all my sisters and brothers to transfer his scolds to me... he would never speak directly to me... i don't understand why... then my sisters and brothers would scold me for having to bear ayah's nags which were all directed to me... they were the "media"... hmmm... funny huh? a unique father and the eldest child relationship... feel so sorry for my sisters and brothers...
i am still recuperating... they wanted to admit me into the wards but i told them i was ok...
Another year and another chapter of life. Indeed, how time flies.
It was a moment ago I jotted down my thoughts for the 2007 iltizam. 365 days ago and three years since my mom answered His call.
I am still the same me. But, with few pages of good differences on the chapters of my life. Wretched by trials and tribulations in terms of health and wealth, I am still standing strong in spirit and mind.
Alhamdulillah... I pray and hope that 2008 will bring better livelihood, better health and sufficient resources to support my brief worldly life. I do not hope for the beyond, just hope to became a better 'abd as time goes on.
Though I am not celebrating Masehi calendar year, it is my wish that 2008 will bring goodness for everybody on earth.
It's not too late to wish Selamat Tahun Baru Masehi 2007 and the fact that Muharram is just around the corner - Selamat Tahun Baru Hijrah 1428!
Dah hampir dua tahun aku tidak menulis dengan kerap di SIGHNOMORE nih. Tidak mengapa, aku tidak gundah kerana aku ini bukannya blogger yang terkenal. Niat asal aku menulis pun hanya sebagai wadah ekspresi diri. Ada ke insan di luar sana yang kecewa kerana aku tidak selalu berkunjung di sini? Hmmm... I wonder...
Pejam celik pejam celik, dah hampir dua tahun juga mak meninggalkan kami dan dah hampir setahun ayah hidup ditemani makcik. Sejujurnya, aku gembira melihat ayah gembira dan sihat. Adik-adik aku pun dah stabil kehidupan mereka. Persoalannya, bagaimana aku?
Sad to say, aku masih campurtolak ditakuk yang sama. Hidup tanpa ada kerja tetap dan puas hati dengan kebebasan serta tanggungjawab aku terhadap beberapa kerat students yang ada di bawah jagaanku. Gembira? Sesuatu yang diragui. Tenang? Sesuatu yang abstrak. Mampu? Jauh sekali.
Namun apa yang pasti - dengan kedatangan 2007 dan 1428 ini, tekad aku hanya satu... berhenti dari menjadi "walking shadow"! It's about time for me to find comfort in being a solid form. Aku sudah letih menjadi bayang samada secara rela atau tidak. Aku mahu menjadi aku. Fikirkan hanya tentang aku. Aku. Aku. Aku.
Selfish? Tidak. Aku bukan manusia yang sebegitu. Aku cuma mahu merasai dan mengalami sendiri rasa menjadi objek utuh, bukan "bayang" seperti masa silamku. Semoga aku berjaya! May the Force be with me. Semoga Allah memberkati dan membantu aku di dalam perjalanan (perlarian?) baruku ini. Amin...
have you ever felt so lethargic without any reasons and all you wish to do is to lie down on your back and freeze? yeah! that's my exact feeling at the moment. i wish to lie down and not to move any single muscle - ignoring the students' essays, the sound of squeking fan, the glaring lamp, the smell of rain, the everything -
sampai hati beliau buat kami begini. kami pun sunyi juga. kami pun kehilangan. kami pun perlukan kasih. kami pun perlukan sayang. kami masih rasa pedih. hati kami remuk. tapi kenapa beliau buat kami begini? kenapa beliau hanya fikir tentang kebahagiaan beliau sahaja? kenapa beliau tidak mahu ambil tahu apakah erti kebahagiaan sebenar buat kami? kami tidak mahu harta. huh! kini beliau asyik berkira dengan kami. penat menggemukkan kami, mungkin. kepedihan kami kian bertambah. hati kami sudah terserpih terbang melayang ditiup angin kemarau yang mampir.
rasa bahagia...
