Of an Accountability

Alhamdulillah... just recovered from seizures of massive headaches. Just having a mild wobbly aftermath. This is really disturbing. I have lots to read yet unable to do so. My life as a student is at stake.

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Prof said that we don't have to be jealous of those who have and those who are richer than us because the richer they are, the greater accountability they have.

Not much to ponder. Prof is right in every single sense. I myself have known this fact since my involvement in the persatuan. It only disturbs me when someone near me is suffering and I am unable to help due to my limited financial capability. It further disturbs me when someone near you is in hunger yet you flash your money around for self "fishes" reasons. Isn't that inconsiderate?

Well.. anyway, though I am a poor student, I am grateful and happy that I am blessed with caring sisters who really take care after my health and sustenance. I am grateful and happy that I still have a father who really cares about my well-being. I am grateful and happy that I have brothers who "sometimes" ask about whether I'm ok or not. I am grateful and happy for the circle of friends that I have. I am grateful and happy for the life that I am still living and the air that I am still breathing-in. Above all, I am ultimately grateful to Allah for my past, present and if He permits, tomorrow.

A friend once asked me, if I were to know that I would be dead tomorrow, what would be the last thing that I wanted or wished to do? Well... I didn't answer her immediately because I had no idea at all of what I would want or wish to do. For me, I have no right at all to wish. It is indeed under His Rahman and Rahim that I am living up to this point of time. To wish of having to do something before dying is very selfish of me. Shame of me because all this while He has bestowed everything upon me. A lowly servant like me doesn't have the right to ask for more worldly matters or even to ask for a tiny drop of sand when death is to invite. As if to put a pre-requisite for death. I should have struggled every day and every night to be prepared in meeting death and eventually to be with Him. At the same time I should live this life with a cause that enables me to meet death with an open arm. A bridge. As a lowly servant of His, I can only sincerely pray for His acceptance of me as His servant.

Hmm... I am still dazed with that question. If you were me, what would your answer be?

rasa bahagia...
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