alam...

awan hitam berarak perlahan... mendung menutupi senyuman sang mentari... langit tidak selalunya cerah... kadang kala mendung... kadang kala hujan... kadang kala ribut...


once upon a time...

there was a girl who would cry if somebody rearranged her belongings... she would feel restless if her glance fell onto her dishelleved clothes and properties... she would feel terrible if she didn't organise her notes, bed, book shelf and locker everyday... she would feel stupid if she was not able to please herself in everything she did... she would feel bad if she didn't socialise in a day... to have a yea yea time at the Mall, Bangsar, SS2, Section 14, One Utama, etc. with kindred mates, members and friends... she would feel irresponsible if she didn't carry out her duty on the field... above all... she was an ultimate perfectionist... a near obsessive compulsive person... someone who knew what she wanted and how it could be achieved in a perfect way... well... she felt really happy with her then way of life... it was really organised... colourful... and... full with joy and laughter...


once upon a time...

there was a lady who was very creative and productive... she made her own beautiful organiser... a masterpiece... she came out with a module and a workbook for her diploma students... she could bubbly teach her students though the time showed six in the evening... she had her own principles and were ready to sacrifice herself for the betterment of others... she slept little at night coming back home at two in the morning after selflessly spending her time for arts... she could sweep the world with all her might... she was brave... she was fearless... she was bold... her life was full with unexpected turns and adventures... though she was stabbed at the back by her close friend... she managed to get her grips on life in no time and to reason with that bad moment in a positive manner... above all... she was a superwoman... someone who had something to do and could face the thorns and bumps of life smilingly... well... though sometimes she emotionally and physically faltered... she okayed with that kind of life... she had contributed her mind and strength in something that she believed... she was happy... she had a meaningful life...


present day...

there is a woman with a conflicting mind... her age has climbed farther up... yet... she doesn't really know what is her arbitrary aim in this worldly life... what she really wants... what she really wants to do... all the while... selflessly... from a to z... her life is directly and indirectly dictated by others... she receives trust and fund... yet she doesn't sure whether that is the correct thing to embark upon... what is the purpose of learning something that she has learnt before... she wants something new... she wants a change... she is bored ultimately she is suffocating from the pressure of boredom... most of the time... she feels the distance... she sometimes tries to distant her life... she prefers to be disconnected from the social circles... she prefers to be alone... bringing her pain and her pathetic self into an ultimate closure... bringing everything into the cave of darkness... far and far away from others' pity and sympathy... she doesn't want any sunlight... she wants to find peace in her own painful way... she wants to find answers in her own tragic way... a foolish pride... this woman is a disturbed woman... she smiles... she laughs... she giggles... yet... inside her... there are painful knots and some disentangled webs... a lunatic she is... she doesn't even know how to be organised... her notes, papers, books and everything in her room are in a mess... a mumble jumble craps... reflecting the inner mess that she is in... she no longer goes to the field and performs her duty and responsibility... it has been quite sometime... hmmm... how she really misses those enchanting arts moments... above all... she is a down trodden woman with no confidence... boring... lacking in self-esteem... wise judgement zilt... brain dead... cluesless... useless... creativity retarded... zero productivity... an unworthy spoiled damsel in distress... well... of course... she absolutely distastes this kind of life... she has a sombre life... she is not happy... she is not happy at all...


alam...

burung mula keluar dari sarangnya... bersiul riang mencari rezeki... nyanyian cengkerik hampir tidak kedengaran... katak berorchestra kegembiraan... titisan air membasahi dedaun hijau... segenap penjuru tanah masih kebasahan... segar... di ufuk timur kelihatan sang mentari mula memancarkan sinarnya... kesejukan hujan di malam hari disapa oleh suam mentari pagi... mentari pagi yang menjanjikan seribu kisah...

alfonso majuk lagi...

iskh laa... nih yang tak kuasa nak layan ni... perut punya pasal merajuk berpanjangan... blewp... ilek la alfonso... takkan lari burger dikejar ;p hari ni tugas aku bermula seawal 7.15 pagi... mengsupirkan diri hantar alfonso ke sekolah... kemudian aku balik rumah dan tertidur dek rentetan rancangan kartun yang membohsankan mataku di pagi sabtu... kriok... perut lapar tapi malas nak masak... aku tak mahu berpeluh... kalau berpeluh aku akan jadi kera kena belacan sekali lagi... maka aku duduk diam-diam di bawah kipas yang laju dan mengeringkan diri seadanya... aahhh... sungguh nyaman...

sebelum menjemput alfonso pulang... aku ke bank melunaskan hutang... itulah yang boringnya setiap akhir bulan sebegini... ada saja bank yang perlu aku kayakan... betapa aku berasa amat bersyukur sebab aku dah terminate credit card aku... lega... hidup aku selamat bila hanya menggunakan cash tanpa menggunakan plastik yang merbahaya itu... my willpower is not strong enough... pantang ada... mesti pakai... ceh...

selepas alfonso selesai bengkel bahasa arab di sekolahnya kami pun jalan-jalan cari makan... beli meehoon pakcik dollah... jadik la... orang pemalas nak masak tak boleh komplen lelebih... pabila sampai ke rumah... alfonso goreng ayam dan chicken ball serta buat scramble egg untuk di santap bersama seketul roti paun... kebetulan... semasa kami sedang makan-makan... arif pun balik bercuti di hujung minggu... yea... bertambah satu lagi houseguard... emak dan ayah akan balik esok pagi... harap-harapnya ada la ole-ole laksa kuala kangsar... hehehe...

sekarang... alfonso sedang majuk sebab aku tak mahu bawa dia pergi makan di mcd... aku malas... jauh la... minyak petrol pun sekarang ni makin mahal... kena save sket... hahaha... alasan... alasan... hahaha... chup! chup! wahhh... harumnya... tiba-tiba nostrils ku ini tercium sesuatu yang best... mesti si majuk tuh sedang membuat nasi goreng... jeng... jeng... jeng... aku nak jenguk sat... nak ngendeng sepiring dua... hehehe... best sungguh dapat adik-adik yang rajin memasak ni... alhamdulillah ;-)

surviving?

yup! just finished watching survivor amazon... i believe... to survive living in the natural greenness of amazon is nothing compared to survive living under the the blasts of cruel weapons and the splashes of innocent blood... still... the war is being prosecuted and raging... still... the iraqis are suffering... though peoples in new york, australia, malaysia, etc. have thundered their negation... still... the thunders only rumble from a forlorn distance... like those that echo between the walls of high and distant mountains... still unheard to the unkeen ears...

yesterday... i completed my 'supir' task and reached home around two in the afternoon... yesterday was a truly bad day... i was still tired from my late arrival at my sister's place the previous night and i had a very bad tummy ache... and it lasted till the whole yesterday... the one night in jaybee was a restless one... mosquitoes were happy to sting my plump flesh and my tummy was shrieking with pain... obviously my yesterday's journey from jaybee to melaka was an excruciating one... i stopped at machap and pagoh r&r just to flush out the craps in my tummy... iurgghhh... i was supposed to bring opah and pah siah for a tour around melaka but regretfully it had to be cancelled... my tummy was really killing me... and luckily it was raining the whole afternoon... my guilt was saved by the shower of nature... yea...

i slept very early last night i.e. around 9 p.m. with a tinge of the still aching tummy and woke up terribly late... i was really really really tired... my macho serum was drained i guess... dila was no longer around to serve my qualms... she is in jaybee as an exchange angahsitter... thus... opah and pah siah were left unentertained the whole morning... as a host i really felt bad... after jumaat prayer... ayah, emak, pah and pah siah began their journey north... to send opah and pah siah back home and on saturday morning... ayah would be having an official gathering somewhere in the i-don't-know-what's-the-name-of-the-place in penang... sekulek... sambil nyelam minum air... hmmm... ever notice that this runs in the family? heheh...

again... alfonso and me were left together to guard the house... the macho duo... yehaa... let's have a party bro! heheh...

ouch! it has started again... the gatal-gatal... shooo... go away you troublesome itchy red dots... ouch! i have to stop writing my thoughts a.s.a.p... the need to scratch really angers me... yet... it has to be done... ouch! okie tokie... tuttadallooooo...

a moment in life

hari ini aku banyak bermenung dan berfikir... tenung dan fikir tentang segala-galanya... banyak sungguh perkara yang meronta-ronta menagih perhatian di dalam perbendaharaan minda ini... aku hilang tawa... aku hilang ceria... persoalan yang menantikan jawapan... jawapan yang tiada... entah bila... ermmm... sungguh ironis hidupku ini...

...siang nanti akan ke jaybee sekali lagi...
...pulang semula ke melaka pada keesokkan paginya...
...sesungguhnya aku adalah seorang supir...

penat sehh penat :-|

scene one - an extreme flying act

they were mushrooming everywhere... black and mysterious... without any yellow stripes whatsoever... and... some of them that had been fixed there for years as if were stumped flat... zilt... vanished just like a snap! maniobi must feel rather weary from having that most extreme shock of its life... maniobi was definitely flying... hmmm... i wonder where did they come from and when... hmmm... really... those are really some mysterious new bumps in the uia's compaund... hmmm...

scene two - scratching and scratching and scratching act

ouch! the tiny red dots appeared everywhere... on the thigh, tummy, back, hands and almost everywhere... ouch! itchy bitchy tiny red spots... allergic reaction to the newly bought soap? rashes? exzema? dengue? chicken pox? the bed bugs bites? anyway... that would be the last i slept in the guys' room... garu sana... garu sini... garu dan garu dan garu lagi... seperti kera kena belacan... untuk exaggeration yang mega hebat... seperti kera kena sambal belacan pulau aman yang turut melesungkan di antara cili biasa dan cabai burung... perggghhh... maka... sapukan calamine lotion... aaahhh... soothing and itch relieving... aaahhh...

scene three - the rubbish muse act

flintstone... flintstone... flintstone... the stone with flint... the flint with stone... ice age? stone age? iron age? technology age? nuke age? porn age? near doom age? hmmm... i wonder what kind of age we are living in... hmmm...

scene finale - lay dormant act

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...

memang sungguh benar kata-kata beliau... kayu yang memotong kayu... sejarah tidak pernah berdusta... malah... sejarah akan berulang kembali... di uhud, di tanah melayu, di seluruh dunia sekalipun... sah terbukti... kayu yang memotong kayu...

di dinihari yang sepi ini aku belum dapat tidur lagi... terkebil-kebil seperti cicak tertelan kapur... baru lepas mengemas bahagian ruang tamu rumah... perghhh... bahagian tengah dan bahagian dapur masih belum bersentuh lagi... esok la gamaknya... ni pun aku sedang adjust ruang untuk meletakkan harta karun serta pc si dila yang akan bercuti semester selama tiga bulan... fuhhh... nasib baik pc lama aku tu dah dibawa masuk ke bilik alfonso... boleh aku adjust satu penjuru yang baikkk punya... mmmm...

malam ni hanya aku dan alfonso sahaja yang berada di rumah... oppsss... dan dak adik ipar aku jugak... emak dan ayah ke kuala kangsar petang tadi untuk menjemput opah dan pah siah... esok? i mean petang nanti mereka akan pulang... dan ahad mereka akan ke jaybee pula... pah siah diimport khas untuk jadi tukang urut angah dan opah kami yang comel and cool seperti biasa akan menjadi escort yang amat berjaya... maka... aku dan alfonso membuat gotong-royong abis-abisan mengemas rumah yang telah dikacaubilaukan oleh dak semamat tu... ceh... pish... posh... pish... posh... adus... adus... nih yang nak tumpang semangkuk berurut mengeluarkan angin kus-kus dengan pah siah ni... adeih... adeih...

sekarang... aku ingat aku nak pergi minum tonik meresap dalam sebotol dua supaya boleh aku meresap ke rumah putih untuk menyekeh kepala si belukar semak samun itu bertubi-tubi... arrggghhhh... kelekuk... kelekuk... kelekuk... helicopter crash in kuwait? belum bertempur sudah ada lashkar yang mati? AllahuAkbar! AllahuAkbar! AllahuAkbar! marilah kita sama-sama panjangkan doa' untuk saudara kita di sana... semoga Allah melindungi mereka-mereka yang teraniaya itu... amin...


n.b.: how i really wish that my arabic is as polished as the past five years... it is better to get news from al-jazeera rather than cnn... don't you think so?

i feel very upset...
my brothers and sisters are being attacked...
how can i sleep comfortably when i know that out there there are innocent people who are sleeping with fear, tears and perhaps with an empty tummy...
how can i be happy when i know that out there there are injustice, oppression and humiliation being carried out mercilessly...
how can i smile when i know that out there there are people who are panting with pains and crying for the loss of their soil...
am i a selfish person?
should i think only about myself?
should i continue my living without any senses?
should i lament my life?
am i a selfish person?


On the authority of Abu Sa'id al-Khudri (may Allah be pleased with him), who said: I heard the Messenger of Allah (may the blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) say:
Whosoever of you sees an evil action, let him change it with his hand; and if he is not able to do so, then with his tongue; and if he is not able to do so, then with his heart - and that is the weakest of faith.

It was related by Muslim.


On the authority of Abu Huraira (may Allah be pleased with him), who said: the Messenger of Allah (may blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: Do not envy one another; do not inflate prices one to another; do not hate one another; do not turn away from one another; and do not undercut one another, but be you, O servants of Allah, brothers. A Muslim is the brother of a Muslim: he neither oppresses him nor does he fail him, he neither lies to him nor does he hold him in contempt. Piety is right here -and he pointed to his breast three times. It is evil enough for a man to hold his brother Muslim in contempt. The whole of a Muslim for another Muslim is inviolable: his blood, his property, and his honour.

It was related by Muslim.

too relax ______________________|_______________________ too serious
perfect balance


now... now... now... how i frightfully wonder about my 'where' and my 'at'...

panas...

hati siapa yang tidak panas... badan masih penat dek perjalanan yang jauh... sekembali ke rumah ingin sekali mendapatkan kerehatan dan ketenangan... namun... pabila pintu dibuka... bau hanyir menyelaputi ruang... kulit ketam bersepah di atas meja makan... nasi semalam bertaburan di meja dan di atas lantai... pinggan sudah kering tidak berbasuh bertaburan di sinki... keadaan ruang tamu lintang pukang seperti kapal karam... kucing sesat meninggalkan najis di dalam kamar tidur... lampu tandas terang benderang... ayamas yang kusimpan semuanya habis digoreng... itu baru satu malam kami tiada di rumah... hati siapa yang tidak panas...

hati siapa yang tidak panas... badan masih penat dek perjalanan yang jauh... kepenatan dan ketegangan emosi pula telah berganda pabila melihat keadaan rumah yang berserabut... perut pula menadakan irama keroncong... maka... dengan hati yang masih panas alfonso dan aku pergi ke selandar... hajat di hati nak makan mee sop... namun... sewaktu menjamah makanan... telinga berdesing... hati membengkak... terasa ingin kusepak mamat yang kurang ajar itu... bukannya sekali... malah berkali-kali mamat itu berlaku kurang ajar... ingin sahaja aku mencari pasal... ingin sahaja aku mencari gaduh... nasib baik alfonso menenangkan aku... sekiranya tidak mahu diriku ini akan menjadi amat terkenal di kedai mee sop itu... memang kurang ajar... berkahak di tempat makan... fuhhh... hati siapa yang tidak panas...

tapi... itu semalam... hari ini aku tidak lagi panas... tetapi... cuaca di jasin memang teramat panas... air sarsi sejuk habis sejug... aiskrim vanilla bersalut coklat hershey habis dua bekas... alangkah enaknya sekira dapat aku benamkan diri ini ke dalam air bercampur ais... aaahhhh... alahai mummy... itu baru panas dunia...

amira sofea... teringat pula aku pada anak sedara aku tuh... sungguh comel dan tegap... tulangnya kuat berkat kemaruk angah minum susu setiap hari sewaktu mengandung... hmmm... aku? aku masih baby phobic... angah sungguh tensen sebab aku takut nak pegang baby sofea... hehehe... alhamdulillah... angah deliver baby sofea dengan amat mudah sekali... tiada sebarang kesulitan... malah... angah kelihatan seperti orang yang tidak bersalin langsung! sungguh ceria dan sihat... tapi... aku tak puas hati sebab angah tidak nampak pucat atau seperti kebanyakan perempuan lain yang baru lepas bersalin... maka... aku toncetkan rambut angah tinggi-tinggi dan aku pakaikan pilis di mukanya... hahahaha... baru la nampak real seperti orang baru lepas bersalin... kekeke... angah, kau jangan terduduk bersila la pulak yek! hehehe...

sekarang kami dapat gelaran baru... ayah = atok, emak = opah, aku = wan yong, bayeed = pak lang, dila = wan cik, arif = pak arif, faiz = acu dan opah = moyang... mengikut panggilan orang perak... alahai... bila ku kenang-kenang... arramak! aku dah tua! makin terasa bertambah tua nih... huuu uhuk uhuk uhuk...

ceria sang dara berjalan ke pekan
kekwa di sanggul kemas tersemat
bertandang ke jaybee sungguh memenatkan
melunjurkan kaki... alahai... nikmat yang amat!

baby sofea comel dan mulus
tersenyum ria melihat si badut wan yong
sengal tulangku ideaku tandus
mata nak pejam esok sahajalah aku bersenandong!

Rock-a-bye, baby
In the treetop
When the wind blows
The cradle will rock
When the bough breaks
The cradle will fall
And down will come baby
Cradle and all

Baby is drowsing
Cosy and fair
Mother sits near
In her rocking chair
Forward and back
The cradle she swings
And though baby sleeps
He hears what she sings

From the high rooftops
Down to the sea
No one's as dear
As baby to me
Wee little fingers
Eyes wide and bright
Now sound asleep
Until morning light

hehehe... i woke up very early with every single tinge of excitement... and i'm ready to be on the road again... off to jaybee to meet my new baby niece... ola baby amira sofea... your cute auntie is on her way!

yakkety... yakkety... yea...
yakkety... yakkety... yea...
yea... yea... aku dah jadik mak yong...
yea... yea... aku dapat anak sedara...
yea... yea... ayah ngan mak dapat cucu pertama... yea... yea...
ces... sungguh sekular aku ni...
what i mean is...
alhamdulillah...
angah sudah selamat melahirkan anaknya yang pertama ;-)
tahniah angah dan derih!

alfonso buncatttttt!!! kau kutuk along dalam guestbook along! ceh! hampes punya adik bongsu! hampes seribu kali ampes... lerrr... tak cukup kurus agik ke aku ni... hehehe... dah beribu dah aku labun duit kat marie france bodyline tuh... kekeke...

tapi tak apa... pagi ni aku mood baik... lagipun inikan bulan muharram... maka kau diampunkan aduhai alfonso yang buncat... eleh... dia yang buncat tuh nak kata kita pulak... lu pun tama! hehehe...

sebenarnya aku dengan dak alfonso ni baru balik dari majlis bersosial makan-makan di anjung batu kedai ikan bakar hj. jeon... aku gembira dan puas hati sebab semua orang makan sampai tak larat nak makan... hahaha... thanks M2RAH serta "boifren-boifren"... erkkk... heheh... suami-suami dan anak-anak masing-masing yang sudi datang dan sanggup bersusah-payah travel dari kuala lumpur just for the sake of having ikan bakar dinner di melaka... me... as your humble hostess would like to extend my sincerest gratitude to every one of you my dearest sahabat-sahabat... akhirnya... one of my golden dreams has come true... janji manisku semenjak tahun lepas tertunai sudah... alhamdulillah *wink*... semoga perjalanan pulang kalian ke kuala lumpur di awal dinihari ini di bawah lindungan Dia... insya-Allah...

perghhhh... memang ganas menu malam ni sampai si alfonso menjadi pelanggan tetap rumah kecik di belakang kedai hj. jeon tuh... hehehe... tak senon... hehehe... okie dokie... aku masih terasa kenyang banget ni... menu? tak payah cerita la... tak cukup ruang kat blog ni nanti... nine huge dishes altogether... sikit lebih kurang gitu la... sampai terpaksa ditapau gitu gitu... heheh... huargghhh... aku dah terasa mengantuks gilos ni...

and again... terima kasih banyak-banyak M2RAH... it is such an exciting and wonderful night... lain kali kita buat gathering dekat spa pulak nak? kita buat two days marathon pampering ourselves... amacam? hehehe... bubbye!

yup! i have arrived...

aku selamat mendarat di bumi bersejarah ini pada pukul 2.30 petang tadi... seawal 9.30 pagi aku berlepas dari kuala kangsar setelah menyenakkan perut dengan nasi lemak sebungkus dan burger sebijit... maka... perjalanan di lebuhraya dilakukan dengan secara tepoten-poten... high dan mengantuk... aku tak singgah kl cuma lalu di pinggiran kl, peejay dan shah alam sahaja untuk terus masuk ke nilai melalui sepang... panas sungguh tengahari di selangor tadi... nasib baik tak cair bumbung kereta acik... hehehe...

sesampai aku di my home sweet home... aku terus ajak faiz keluar untuk menemani aku booking tempat bersosial untuk esok... tungguuuuu... hehehe... kemudian kami ke jayjay shopping bijirin dan kekacang untuk buat bubur asyura... power... power... bubur asyura yang faiz buat memang sungguh lazat dua kali ;p

sekarang... perut aku dah mula berangin dek penangan kekacang, halia serta kari di dalam bubur melacat alfonso de faiz... maka... aku yang keletihan ini ingin menggostankan diri dahulu dan beradu nasib awal pada malam ini... adeh... deh... deh... excuse me... permisi dulu ya pak!

i am still here... the murky sungai perak is still flowing... hesitantly perhaps... the cicadas are very busy with their nightly symphony... the night is made even darker in this remote kampung area... total silence... it is just 8.30 p.m.... the soft rustling of leaves brings peace and hope... i am still here...

sebenarnya aku malas nak travel di highway... highway dah jemu tengok aku dan aku pun dah jemu tengok highway... i delayed my travel back home... the rest of today was spent as a potato... but... i have to go back south tomorrow... i must... an exciting social event is waiting for me... yehaaa!

and...

alfonso will also miss me like mad...
hahahahah...

okie dokie...
i really want to lie down...
it has been a tiring day being a potato *wink*...
iearrggghhhhh...

alfonso dearie... here i come!

lallalalala... hari ini teman opah shopping di jaya jusco ipoh... lalalalla... hatiku sungguh gumbira... lalallala... opah belanja makan... lalalallalalala... aku sesat ke tanjung rambutan dengan opah... hahahaha... serang rumah wah makan tengah hari... lalalalalllaaa... shopping lagi di super kuala... lalalalallaalala... aku suka jadi body guard alias drebar opah... yehaaaa!


pesanan penaja: bersabarlah kita sentiasa di atas setiap dugaan daripadaNya...

alhamdulillah...

pergghhhh... akhirnya... lepas jugak gian aku nak masuk ke alam siber semula... genap seminggu aku disconnected... sekarang ni aku di rumah opah... just arrived this evening... hehehe... pinjam line tepon sikit ye opah... hehehe... bukannya apa... di tanjung tu aku memang tak larat nak ke cyber cafe dan telephone line rumah sewa aku pun dah kena potong sebab aku tak bayar pat bulan... sajeee... disebabkan aku akan kembali ke selatan semula maka aku bercadang nak biarkan dahulu... errmmm... sebenarnya macam-macam perkara yang menduga kesabaran dan sanity telah terjadi semasa aku ke utara kali ni... walaupun seminggu... memang cukup sengsara... tapi apa-apa hal... thanks sooo much sara dan aniza for really making my day hari jumaat kemarin... first time aku jenjalan dalam gurney plaza tuh... best... best... best... macam mini midvalley megamall... siap dapat valuable lessons agik tentang kebaya nyonya dari uncle boutique... me into kebaya? hahahehehe... dan tak lupa juga pada my dearest osmate yang telah aku tinggalkan sekali lagi... jangan sedey-sedey ek... i akan kumbali nanti... anyway... thanks siti for the wonderful sunday... kaki i malam semalam bengkak berjalan tapi i gumbira adingdong... take care there kay!

yehaaaaa... so now... i'm backkkkkkkk... mummy rules again!!!

i cried and i cried and i cried... yet... i laughed and i laughed and i laughed... are you crazy dear? almost... hahahah... uhuk... uhuk...

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

an offline entry after watching Juana’s Miracle (Thursday the Sixth of March)

betapa…

betapa aku rasa amat weng... betapa aku rasa tidak sedap badan... betapa aku rasa mamai... betapa aku rasa kebas... betapa aku rasa kurang gelabah...betapa aku rasa tensen... betapa aku rasa melancholic... betapa aku rasa nauseated... betapa aku rasa restless... betapa aku rasa disconnected... betapa aku rasa bersyukur... betapa aku rasa mengantuks... betapa aku rasa gumbira...

today is the worst... my insomnia seems uncured... the whole night was spent in a stir... i slept... and then suddenly i woke up... feeling that i had slept for the whole night but it was just a 10 minutes act of closing the eyes and flight from the world... i closed my eyes again... and... again... it snapped... the event repeated itself throughout the night... alas! at 6.30 in the morning i got a lengthy sleep... lengthy? i woke up at 8! and i haven’t slept during the day... until now... it is 5.45 in the evening... ermmm... betapa aku rasa amat weng...

yup! i set my last glance of melaka on tuesday... the ma’al hijrah day... feeling dreaded... feeling frantically obnoxious... with a splash of excitement though... dragging my legs... i managed to pack my stuffs and drove out at around 11 something heading towards the central... yup! the hot weather + the uneasy churn in my tummy + the lonely ride alone (luckily amy mastura was there to accompany me throughout... hehe) + the high on sleepless night + the quesy excitement = yeah! yeah! yeah! there was no other better day than to lie flat on my back sleeping and escape into the land of dreams and fantasy... blewp... no... the reality was that it equaled to a maximum ‘high’ day... ulpp... this was supposed to be a ‘hijrah’ day, wasn’t it? betapa aku rasa tidak sedap badan...

i transited at bangi before going to klia to meet hajah... this was the bestest event of the day... but whammy... aku kempunan burger king klia sekali lagi... uhuk... uhuk... elpp... ni nak jemput hajah ke nak makan burger? kekeke... tak senon... still... my kempunan lingers... anyways, hajah was sooo the hajah one... hehehe... we hugged... i tugged hajah’s meccan robe in admiration... we exchanged stories... we huhahuha which seemed to attract many glances... manataknya... orang baru balik haji tapi kita ni borak macam satu klia tuh boleh dengar... hahaha... gumbira dan excited laaa... heheh... then, we went to hajah’s house... more of meccan stories... we talked... we ate... we talked... we stared at each others’ faces... and at dusk we were ready to leave hajah and her family... they would be having a family gathering after maghrib... berghonjeng lagi? nope... no deen for the day... i sent miot to putera station... bought sausages and a bottle of mustard at projet and then headed to uia... a squatting session with apop... my body was itching all over... yukky... i stunk... i took my bath... and slept at around 11... i woke up at 2.30 a.m... i finished some stuffs on apop’s pc... slept again at 6.30 a.m.... betapa aku rasa mamai...

my day started at 10 a.m.... apop didn’t want me to send her to the campus... majuk aaa... she had promised her friends to walk... okey no problem... i dropped by at hajah’s to fetch my rayban... hahah... i was sooo mak nenek yesterday... i didn’t take any breakfast because i had gulped a big mug of cengkudu coffee at apop’s... maniobi’s engine sounded a bit weird but i was very confident and took it as one of the symptoms of old age... haven’t i narrated that ayah had sent maniobi for its checkup on monday? therefore my long bored and hot journey south began... i mainted only 90km/ph throughout the journey... very slow... and some kind of a numb sensation swept over my senses and physique... betapa aku rasa kebas...

i reached ipoh somewhere around 12.45... i decided to stop for a while at kinta jaya jusco to buy a replacement catridge for my printer... it was still early... i targeted to transit at my opah’s somewhere around 3 p.m.... so that i could watch juana before resuming my journey to the very north... i drove my car slowly up to the first floor roofed parking lot... suddenly... maniobi started to get a bit cranky... to shift gear was troublesome... as if my gear wanted to break off when i tried to shift the gear... my car didn’t move... yeah... yeah... how could it move if the gear could not be shifted... i switched off the engine... the panic serum had injected itself into my vein and the effects began to overwhelm me slowly... the parking lot was a bit deserted... there was nobody around... so i pushed and adjusted my car to the side... i didn’t want to mess up with the traffic... luckily... maniobi is only a kancil... very light indeed and pushable... hehe... after adjusting it properly at the cool escalator entrance door... i gathered my strength and all the optimism in the world and tried to shift into gear one... wow! the cranky sound boomed again... terribly sounded than before... i tried to shift it into reverse... same thing happened... now i guessed every drop of that panick serum had reached even the tiniest veins... i called ayah for s.o.s! he calmed me down, gave me good advice and when i could properly think again... i went to jaya jusco’s information booth... asked that nice lady to get ipoh’s perodua’s number... thanks lady... i called perodua and while waiting for the s.o.s. team... i treated myself with a regular pina colada... yeaa... and forced myself to eat that juicy quarter pound burger... lucky me my car broke down at jaya jusco... what if in the middle of that hot highway? errmmm... alhamdulillah... betapa aku rasa kurang gelabah...

i was sipping my pina colada slowly at mc donalds when my phone rang and the mechanics asked me of my whereabouts... okie... i met them... they did some tests... they told me that my clutch plate was seriously wearing out and it was not advisable for me to carry on with my journey without changing a new plate... i freaked out... and we went to the service centre... i had to change the clutch plate (it had been four years), the timing belt (the last time was after that eerie ape accident) and also a gasket cover whatever because there was a leaking somewhere there... it totalled up at RM700 something... yup! my car ripped me off! i am flat broke! betapa aku rasa tensen...

i called my uncle who is living in chemor and i hung at chemor while waiting for my car to recover... how i really needed someone to talk to at that time and of course... to watch juana la virgen... desperately... hehehe... at 6.30 p.m. my uncle sent me to the service centre and after exhanging goodbyes with that handsome chief mechanic ...*wink*... i resumed my journey to kuala kangsar to dine at opah’s house... i undenyingly repeating this to myself... “going back to penang + car broke down = bad feng shui”... betapa aku rasa melancholic...

that heavy feeling of inertia was still glued to me when i left kuala kangsar at 9 p.m.... the longlasting spirit that i have recovered within the span of nearly four months in my hometown was blown away just like that... alas! i reached penang around 11 something... when i crossed the bridge... i could feel a bit of uneasiness and as if there were some butterflies fluttering in my tummy... betapa aku rasa nauseated...

siti had gone to bed... i could not sleep but managed to catnap until 2 a.m.... i gave my work a final touche and i only could sleep again at 6.30 a.m. as mentioned earlier... i went to my supervisor’s office at 9.30 a.m. as scheduled but he was not around... i met sara and we had a sumptuos brunch at the red house... me? i ate nasi goreng cina and chicken soup plus belimbing juice plus cucumber juice plus sky juice... though i supposed to be refreshed but my tummy grumbled in pain and i was a bit drowsy... betapa aku rasa restless...

sekarang... aku rasa weng... aku rasa drowsy... dan juga rasa tensen... aku tak boleh nak berinternet... my line was cut off and i am yet to pay the 4 months delayed phone bills... bohsaaaaannnnnn... betapa aku rasa disconnected...

how about the meeting with my supervisor? he called me at 12.15 noon and i met him in haste... we had some academic ‘arguments’ and quite an exchange of ideas... alas! he consented with what i am doing... i am drowsily happy... yup! it is true... it takes all the patience, the steadfastness and an excellent willpower to communicate with a genius... kadang-kadang... though sometimes a genius might hurt you with his/her intelligence’s sarcasm... what the heck! he/she is a genius... he/she doesn’t really care... because he/she has that genius passport... who are you? errmmm... kadang-kadang... anyways... betapa aku rasa bersyukur... memang sesungguhnya benar juga... apabila Tuhan menarik sesuatu dari kita... kita akan mendapat bahagian pulangan yang lain sekiranya kita bersabar... di dalam kes ini... aku hilang sejumlah besar wang tetapi aku mendapat persetujuan daripada supervisor aku... dan sekali lagi... betapa aku rasa bersyukur...

sekarang aku terasa ngantuks amat... aku nak tido... otak aku dah mati kedua-dua belah... oh! sudah malam rupanya... selamat malam! betapa aku rasa mengantuks...

sekian. terima kasih.


p/s: esok sara ajak berghonjeng... yehaaa! betapa aku rasa gumbira...

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errmmm... begitulah cerita-ceritinya... sabor aje la bebanyak... sekarang badan aku pun dah penat... tensen mega yang baru aku dapat siang tadi pun masih tak hilang lagi... lerrr... maka... aku nak pergi tido... zzzzzzz... till later my dearest long missed blog!

g'nite!

Assalamua'laikum... ahlan wa sahlan wa marhaban ya a'm al jadid... a'm Hijriyyah 1424... Selamat Datang!

berlainan sungguh sambutan tahun baru Hijrah dengan sambutan tahun baru Masehi... sambutan tahun baru Masehi amatlah berbentuk duniawi... di sana sini pesta dianjurkan... berbotol-botol air kencing syaitan diteguk... jerit pekik manusia menyambut kedatangannya seolah-olah menenggelamkan motif sebenar kehidupan manusia di dunia ini... namun... berbeza... apabila Muharram menjelma... suatu ketenangan dan semangat baru meresapi seluruh saraf dan anggota... kedatangannya disambut dengan penuh kesyukuran... bertafakur di atas sejadah menadah kedua-dua tangan melafazkan doa' akhir tahun dan doa' awal tahun dengan penuh insaf, khusyuk dan ikhlas... memohon kemaafan diatas dosa-dosa silam... berazam untuk menjadi hamba yang lebih baik... walaupun dunia umat Muhammad s.a.w. pada dewasa ini dibadai dengan beribu dugaan dan kesengsaraan... kepincangan... penyatuan yang hambar... tekanan dari pihak musuh... namun diharapkan agar 1424 mampu memberikan kekuatan kepada ummah... menghembuskan ruh keberanian dan perjuangan sejati di kalangan mu'min dan muslim... agar umat Islam itu tetap utuh... mampu membadai lautan cubaan yang bergelora seperti karang di lautan... berdiri kukuh dan indah di dalam buih-buih dan puing-puing ombak yang mengganas... insya-Allah... marilah kita bersama-sama berhijrah ke arah yang lebih baik...

hijrah? aku? aku masih ada di melaka ni... belum berangkat ke kehhel lagi... nih pun baru balik dari layan mee sop selandar... as usual la... hehehe... hampeh betul aku hari ni... pagi tadi breakfast... tengahari membuta... lepas maghrib baru la aku nak lunch sekulek dengan dinner... bad... really bad... hari ni insomnia aku berlarutan hingga ke tengahari... masalah hormon betul aku ni... selalunya pepagi lepas subuh tuh aku akan ngantuk kalau semalaman tak tidur... ini tidak... berpanjangan ke tengahari... vege ajek muka aku tadik... nasib baik aku boleh gak tidur dalam pukul doblas lebih tuh... terlajak la sampai pukul pat setengah... fuhhh... lega... nasib baik jugak aku terjaga masa juana tuh nearly nak setat... pergghh... terlepas la citer la intrusa aku... hehehe...

kereta ku arif dah basuh... sang kereta itu pun ayah dah hantar service kat ah pop... road tax ayah dah renew... lesen mandu pun ayah dah renewkan... yup! i'll be on the road again! pengembara buncat dari justseen... yehaa! uhuk... uhuk... esok aku akan transit di kl dulu sebelum pulang ke penang lusanya... hajah dan keluarganya akan pulang esok... kami, para sahabat, akan menjemput hajah di klia... rinduuuu sama hajah... tapi tak cukup korum esok ni... orang teejay sekeluarga ada urusan persatuan di bukit mertajam... tidak mengapa... tempat seorang isteri adalah di sisi suaminya... kami faham dear... don't worry babeh... kena banyak berkorban demi keluarga dan persatuan ni... and we... the shingles mingles nih faham dan tak kisah derr... have fun up north kay! :-)

aku ni pun balik bagan tu sekejap ajek... mid march ni ada majlis makan-makan M2RAH... mengikut plannya ia akan dibuat di melaka... yehaaa! i'll be the host! lagipun angah mungkin dekat nak deliver by that time... yea... yea... nak dapat anak sedara... yea... yea... ulpp... nak bagi angah hadiah apa yek? errrmmm...

kerja aku? suku siap... aku stuck sebab ada bahan yang missing in action lagipun aku ada masalah nak implement statistics dalam research design aku ni... aku nak pakai correlation ke? boleh ke central tendency dicorrelatekan di antara satu sama lain... aku nak pakai apa? simple regression atau multiple? adussss... mau pocah kepalo acik... takpe... takpe... nanti aku tanya supervisor aku... insya-Allah... where there is a will... there is a way... ngkalau ndak seribu daya... aku yakin dengan diri aku... aku yakin aku boleh siap by the end of april... april is not going to fool me! hidup mummy!

ookehs... aku nak riki sikit lagi questionnaire aku nih... aku harap malam ni aku akan jadi manusia normal... sure... aku akan minum seteko susu panas nanti... tengok la... geram ni... geram ni... hehehe... apa-apa hal aku dah tau dah... dak alfonso mesti akan merindui aku dan akan kesepian gilos... arif pun dah balik peejay pagi tadi... dia buat long vac classes... sepi ooo sepi... hehehe... ilek la dik oiii... jangan majuk... esok lap kereta along ek? hehehe... ookehs... ceh brapa banyak ookehs daaa... ookehs... aku chalo duluk... nak sambung kerja aku ni ha... screeeeetttttt... last minute work membawa berkat... idea datang mencurah-curah... sampai bocor atap otak aku ni... hua... hua... hua... kah... kah... kah... lorats... lorats... lorats sungguh aku ni...

Selamat Menjalani Kehidupan Baru di Tahun Baru 1424 Hijrah!

ucapan sempena tahun baru hijrah kepada semua peminat-peminat beta:

dengan ini maka adalah diisytiharkan bahawa beta ingin merafakkan kalam terima kasih kepada sekalian rakyat beta yang beta kasihi di atas ucapan-ucapan yang mampu mengembangkan lubang hidung beta sehingga ke tahap serombong kapal titanic... terima kasih juga di atas teguran-teguran dan kutukan-kutukan yang bernas dan membina... beta cool... beta rock... beta ini hanyalah insan biasa yang berdarah raja setitis dua titis cuma... tanpa kalian rakyat-rakyat beta yang beta kasihi siapalah diri beta ini... ulppp... siapa? lerrr... wake up! smell the coffee! kau mummy lerrr alias eliza dot com the great... hahahaha... thanks guys and gals and kids? for signing in my guestbook... hehe... thanks adysyah for the guestbook idea... thanks sifu for tutoring me how to tute... and finally millions of thanks to myself for loving me tremendously... i adore you soooo much my dear self despite who you are and what you are... muahhhssss...

i am insanely insane!



hehehe... cute huh? i am bored and i am experimenting with uploading files onto a webhost and pasting one of them on my blog... yeah... yeah... yeah... basic huh? but it is a new knowledge to a novicey like me *bow humbly*

actually... i am stucked! i lost my notes on the in-depth meaning of 'behaviour'... couldn't seem to locate it... maybe it is somewhere up north... bummer! johnny! help me!

aku seorang kelawar yang tewas. fire kelawar itu dengan sinaran biru ultraman. bzzzttttttttt!!! atoi! maka kelawar itu pun tercas dan meneruskan pekerjaannya. harapnya la kan ;D

my mood is just so and so tonight... i feel a bit depressed... a bit bored... with a tinge of acidic gruesome emotions... with a sprinkle of grogginess... with a dash of melancholic thoughts... aiyaa... i really don't need all these... there are tons of things to be perfectly completed... blewp... shooo... please go away you dreadful feelings! kick your asses out of my sight! enyah saja kau pekat!

aku ni baru balik dari majlis makan malam... majlis makan-makan yang diadakan di kedai ikan bakar belakang sekolah henry gurney... majlis makan-makan yang dihadiri oleh keluarga mereka-mereka yang bekerja sejabatan dengan ayah... tempat tuh? boleh laa... tapi aku lebih seronok makan ikan bakar di gerai nombor satu di umbai atau kedai hj. jeon di anjung batu serkam... dan bertambah seronok lagi kalau aku makan ngan sahabat-sahabat aku *wink* atau hanya dengan ahli keluarga aku sahaja... leceh la lepak dengan kawan-kawan ayah ni... aku kena banyak berlakon... tak natural... hipokrit... purak-purak baik konon... tak larat aku dengan diri sendiri... tapi... aku apa kisah... aku memang malas nak join dengan geng-geng yang keperempuanan ni... penat aaa... mementang la diaorang tuh kaum isteri-isteri dan ibu-ibu... tak ada benda lain nak cerita... semuanya pasal citer perempuan la... cuba la cerita tentang kereta ke... politik dunia ke... chess ke... komputer ke... minat jugak la aku nak join sembang... so, aku biarkan segala urusan sosial itu ditangani oleh emak aku... boringgg...

aku ni memang payah nak conform dengan tanggapan stereotype ni... biar la orang nak kata apa... asalkan aku tak langgar hukum agama... tak langgar adat... cukup... biar puas hati aku... daripada duduk bersekongkol dengan expectation orang ramai dan menjadikan aku hipokrit... ceh... takde pekdah... baik aku buat hal aku... aku tak campur urusan orang dan orang tak campur urusan aku cukup... tapi tu la... kengkadang tu aku tewas jugak ditangan orang yang aku kasihi... blewp... arghhh... malas nak cerita panjang-panjang pasal hal ni... buat perabih boreh jo...

walaucamnapun... aku makan tak banyak mana pun malam ni... aku takmo mengantuk... kelawor tak buleh mengantuk... tersimpang dari hukum alam tuh... kekeke... oleh itu... sebelum makan aku hang dengan arif dan faiz... selepas makan... aku dah cas... aku menyakat dak faiz lagi... dan lagi... dan lagi... very the buncat one... hehehe...

okeh la... aku nak sambung buat kerja aku ni... nak fulfill people's expectation la ni... letih la... tau tak letih! ingat tak letih ke hidup untuk memenuhi harapan orang ni! letih tau! blewp... hmmm... i wonder... aku ni ada harapan sendiri ke ni? errrmmm... what are my expectations towards myself? hmmmm... nih kena direnung-renungkan ni sempena menjelangnya tahun baru nanti... 1 Muharram... i am waiting for you :-)

perghhh... power... power... ganas sungguh majlis kenduri kawin jiran aku ni... ramai tul orang datang... elppp... aku sure mesti ada some kawan-kawan kolej yayasan yang akan datang ke majlis ni... tadi pun aku ternampak macam kelibat seseorang yang aku kenali masa aku dok menjemur baju kat belakang umah... melaka nih kocik jo... ayah kata jiran aku ni buat sepuluh ribu jemputan... perghhh lagi sekali... tapi aku pulak yang over seronok... aku tak pergi pun... busy gilos ni... mak ayah dan adik beradik yang lain ajek yang pergi... takper der... bukannya aku kenal pun anak dia yang kawin tu... aku ni kan perantau jadi kurang la bersosial dengan orang kampung aku ni... alasan jek tuh... benarnya aku ni orang yang pemalu... tsk... tsk... tengah tersipu-sipu ni... ehehe kekeke... oh ya! kenapa aku terover seronok tengok majlis kat sebelah ni... ellooo... bukannya sebab aku boleh berangan nak kawin la tetapi sebab kugiran yang dia jemput untuk nyanyi tuh sungguhlah best... suara penyanyinya sungguh klasik dan tradisional... muzik dia pun tak bingit telinga... smooth ajek... bagus tul sound system dia... pulak tu penyanyi dia mendondangkan lagu-lagu tradisional melaka dan ada diselitkan beberapa lagu hindustan dan lagu aruahnya p. ramlee dengan iringan ala dondang sayang gitu... pahwer... pahwer... sungguh mendamaikan dan mencas aku dengan kadar maksima untuk menyiapkan kerja aku yang masih banyak perlu disiapkan ni... heheh... komdian... aku tengok tetamu yang datang pun semuanya proper-proper ajek dan very well behaved including the kids... tak gamat dengan jerit pekik pun rumah jiran aku ni... bagus tul... kalau camni la... setiap hari dia buat kenduri pun aku memang angkat tangan setuju... heheh...

teringat aku suasana di rumah aku di penang sana... ngkalau musim hantu menurut kepercayaan kaum cina... scaryyy... betullll... time ni kalau memalam memang banyak angin dan bunyi anjing howling... scaryyy... tak percaya? moh duduk penang kat area rumah aku tu... anyway... masa musim tuh... humang aiii... walaupun jauh daripada rumah aku tuh namun bunyi operanya mampu menggegarkan rumah aku yang ditingkat sebelas tuh... perghhh... trauma otak aku nak belajo dan aku ingat bukan orang ajek boleh tensen tapi dengan hantu-hantu sekali akan tensen dan melarikan diri... maka aku ingat amat berbaloi la mereka mengadakan pertunjukkan opera untuk menghalau hantu pada musim hantu tersebut... hehehe... memula aku ingatkan mereka buat opera ni untuk pertunjukan menyambut musim tu... tapi aku silap... siti kata menurut kata kawan cina dia... opera ini sebenarnya diadakan untuk tontonan para hantu... believe it or not? so, jokingly kawan siti kata barang siapa menonton opera tu maknanya dia sedang turut sama menonton dengan hantu... scaryyyy...

ehh... over la pulak aku bercerita... sebenarnya aku nak buat tribute dan liputan tentang kenduri kawin jiran aku which i think it is a very memorable event kat dalam kampung aku ni... exellento mundo... itu ajek... over... over... over sungguh aku ni... okie tokie... better get back to work... else... seteko kopi cap kapal layar o kaw yang telah aku wallop sebentar tadi akan sia-sialah khidmat pengecasannya... hehehe... way you go my neighbour! Allah bless!