Sleepless Night In Seattle... Have you watched that movie? Nice huh? But tonite it is not Sleepless Night In Seattle but more of Sleepless Night in Penang... hahaha... uhuk...uhuk... Mebbe my stomach was too full or mebbe I've too much sleep during the day or mebbe I've too much rest when I was feverish few days back... Nope... none of the above... My intellectus stimulant gland is actually pumping and pushing hard to make sense... good sense... acceptable sense... for my research writing but somehow my optical nerve doesn't correlate with that gland and I ended up staring at this laptop screen... blank... even this blog page seems empty... white... endless white... The accompanying Utada Hikaru's First Love mp3 seems to be blended with the empty gaze and the result is peace, tranquility and perhaps mortality...

I've just exchanged sms with some friends... and how life is so fair... one of them is actually my frequent sms target when I'm bored and gersang. He is now on his way to Danok, the I-haven't-heard place somewhere in Thailand... He said that he missed me if I missed him too... yeah right... hahaha... And he ended his sms by telling me that his girlfriend has abandoned him six months ago because he faced bankruptcy in his business... Ouchhh! Really that hurts... I can feel it too... The feeling of being abandoned is bitter... it stabs right in the middle of our heart... right here... yes... exactly right here... and the pain cease to go away just like "poof"... I've experienced it and always pray that I won't go through such pain again... I don't want to be stabbed... I don't want to be hurt... I don't want to silently crying inside... no more... no more of such...

Dear friend,
Hang on tough dear... for every rainy day there will be rainbows in the end... though the rainbows sometimes can hardly be seen, just know that it is there... if not in psyche in spirit... Ada hikmah di sebalik apa yang Tuhan jadikan untuk kita. Life is indeed a fair ordeal... Very fair indeed... We get some, we lose some...

My sahabat has said something like this, "When we reflect again... sesetengah orang hidupnya susah, tiada kerja yang tetap, tiada duit, tiada keluarga untuk bergantung tapi they are blessed with love, they have someone to be by his/her side to endure all the pain and the difficulties of life together... sesetengah orang pula hidupnya mewah, ada duit, ada kerja, boleh sambung belajar, ada keluarga tempat bermanja dan mengadu, but, their hearts are empty... tiada teman hidup, tiada the significant other to support him/her..." Yep sahabatku... sesungguhnya kita ini adalah MANUSIA... Mat Nasia... insan yang selalu lupa... syukur... dan bersangka baiklah sentiasa kita kepadaNYA... Aku juga lupa... selalu lupa... perlu sentiasa dikejutkan dan diingatkan...

FIRST LOVE
by Utada Hikaru (Toshiba/EMI)

Saigo no kisu wa
Tabako no flavor ga shita
Nigakute setsu nai kaori
Ashita no imakoro ni wa
Anata wa doko ni irun darou
Dare wo omotterun darou

You are always gonna be my love
Itsu ka dare ka to mata koi ni ochite mo
I'll remember to love - you taught me how
You are always gonna be the one
Ima wa mada kanashii love song
Atarashii uta utaeru made

Tachi tomaru jikan ga
Ugoki dasou to shiteru
Wasuretakunai koto bakari
Ashita no imakoro ni wa
Watashi wa kitto naite iru
Anata wo omotterun darou

You will always be inside my heart
Itsu mo anata dake no basho ga aru kara
I hope that I have a place in your heart too
Now and forever you are still the one
Ima wa mada kanashii love song
Atarashii uta utaeru made

You are always gonna be my love
Itsu ka dare ka to mata koi ni ochite mo
I'll remember to love - you taught me how
You are always gonna be the one
Ima wa mada kanashii love song
Atarashii uta utaeru made

Ahhh... this song is really like a silk cloth that softly brushes my ears and heart... Huarrggghhh... here comes heavy eyes... what an enchanting lullaby... Good nite world! Good nite...