Surrounded by Death

"Mati itu wajib." Words of wisdom from my Guru. Sustenance for the worldly livelihood.

The theme of death.

Yesterday was the worst. I experienced an amalgamation of feelings. Two death news in a row. Of a person who was dear to me and of a person who was dear to friends of mine. At the same time recollecting my experience facing my mother's death. The event was vividly rolling like film slides in my mind. Suddenly. Am very grateful that there was an ardent listener. Though I narrated the event in a matter-of-factly kind of way, inside, it was flooding. Today, another death news that made me a bit startled. Of my student's father. What more of those deaths in Gaza [though the media have changed their interests onto Obama's inauguration, it seems]. Who is next? Me? You?

Death will invite us whether we like it or not. Death will invite us whether we are prepared or not. What have I done to face death in its suddenness? I am still mulling about the world. I am still musing about the here-gains. I am still complaining about this and that. I am still unable to take care of the amanah bestowed upon me. I am still. The list goes on.

If death were a door marked exit, would I not open and walk through it.

A note encrypted [read: written with marker-pen] on Prof's whiteboard.

A question was once asked to me. What kind of death do you pray to have?

Well, I pray that it ends like this. I am in a battle field. Fighting valiantly. Though both arms and both legs are amputated, my mouth is still chanting and my mind is still reciting. It ends when there is a stinging stabbing pain goes right through my heart. Smiling. Arms open wide. Eyes looking up, longingly. Reaching towards Him.

Then, a question would follow. Do I have the courage?

Another matter to contemplate upon...