Today is indeed a meaningful day. And I almost get the grasp of “live the day as if you’ll live forever and live the day as if you’ll die tomorrow”. Almost.
Intriguing enough, my ordinary life as a meaning seeker started as early as six in the morning. Being shaken off from the restless slumber, I woke up in daze. Instead of blood, thick lead seemed to be running throughout my veins. Yup! The ugly draggy laziness. The thought that this would be the day where the challenges would be ready to devour me made those numb feet and brain stirred to life. Jumping off the bed, in a jiff I was ready for action.
The first challenge of the day was to quieten the bodily melody. A morsel of Arabian delicacy was fed to satisfy, just satisfy, not to fully satify the raging disturbance. End of the first chapter and onward to the second challenge.
To be charged with ideas somewhat distant from my ideals. To be exposed with the intricacies of education, politics and one’s principles. To be ripped open and rendered to the bitter reality. To uphold one’s virtues. To muse on the glory of the golden era. My mind started to feel the warmth. The dormant machine started to pump. Comparing. Evaluating. Judging. Connecting. Thinking? The beginning of a journey.
Third. The most difficult of all challenges of the day. Ever, at the receiving end. Am I being manipulative? Am I being opportunistic? Am I being stingy? Worst. I felt and always feel like a beggar feeding from the palms. Totally inadequate. Social justice and sharing of wealth. On my part, what wealth?
The fourth. Repetition? Refresher? Reminder. Almost anesthetized my ready-to-work-out neurons. My medula oblongata was crying out loud for difference. Yet, have to abide for the sake of those newbies. A bit of a pause.
The fifth and the ultimate. A pleasurable self inflicted pain. Huh? Mind bondage? Though it might look like a hard control, being prisoned within the dull four white walls from six to eight thirty with a grumbling organ to be disciplined, in actuality it is a soft control. As I perceive it. Sharp stabs, like acupuncture needles, are dart-thrown to awaken the sleeping beauty. New concepts. No. Unthinkable alien concept was introduced. Far from the expected. Far from what sketched in my worldview. Mind-boggling yet true to the every single veins and senses. Social justice. Creating our own narrative. Learning, an accident, from the life. Living the knowledge in its purest being. Torturous? Nope. An unnoticed torture. A delightful enlightening brute. Crave for it. Addicted to it. Looking forward for it. Doesn’t it look like a soft control?
Well. This is what I am trying to do. This is what I am exercising and disciplining myself to do.
Writing a narrative. Critical.
It may not make sense. It may not sound sane. This is just the beginning. Day one.
Wahhh... Semester sudah bermula. Semalam ada kelas Innovation. Kelas yang aku repeat... hahaha... Aku sengaja mengantoikan diri untuk paper ni last two sems. Aku dapat incomplete sebab tak hantar project paper dan this sem status incomplete dah tukar jadi fail. So, kena repeat la. Anyway, semalam lecturer aku kata aku tak perlu buat assignment untuk kelas repeat ni sebab I did all the presentations and the minor assignments previous class... hhahahaha... Ya, talking about me and my being naughty.
Anyway, today, I can't feel my legs. Its numbness is driving me nuts. Sakit oooo jalan dari audi sampai Insted semalam. Tensi... Tensi... I must get that dosage of ALA asap.
Orraits, aku ingat sempena semester baru ni aku nak chaiyok update blog. Tensi gak bila adik aku Acu buang link aku dari blog dia. Dia kata, "Long, kenapa la blog kau macam dah tak bernyawa jek." Hahahaha... Memang pun. Just like the owner yang hampir putus nyawa tahan sakit kaki ni.... huhuuhuhu...
Hari ni aku nak tepekkan satu thesis review yang telah membuatkan aku PASS pre-requisite course EDF6801 Qualitative Research yang sangat tapet semester lalu... I am very grateful... Terima kasih Ya Rab untuk ilham pada jam 4 pagi tersebut... Alhamdulillah...
It was a great thesis indeed... Here goes...
Schneider, Kristina (August, 2008). A Qualitative Study of Five Authors of Five Blogs on Training and Development. A thesis written in partial fulfilments of the requirements for the degree of MA in Educational Technology, ConcordiaUniversity. A PDF file retrieved on September 15th., 2008, from the World Wide Web.
As noted in the opening sentence of the thesis, “One of the challenges of working in a profession is keeping current with the field.” The author of this thesis has discussed in great details about her study on professional development and blog as the training and development resource. As observed, much emphasis and care had been given especially in the research design and the report of the qualitative results. In view of its general organisational structure, this thesis is divided into six parts of discussions namely: Background on Professional Development and Blogs in Training and Development including its Research Questions; Literature on the Forms of Professional Development, Social Computing and the Credibility of Blogs; Methodology of the Study; Discussion on the Five Case Studiesin in great details; Analysis and Findings of the Study; and its Conclusions and Recommendations for Further Research. At the end of the thesis, appendices on the questionnaire and the related protocols were attached. The following paragraphs will present a critical analysis of the thesis particularly on the purpose/justification of the study, its design and instrumentation together including its data collection.
To find the broad purpose of the study is not a tough task. It is evident in the final sentence of the introductory paragraph. However, in order to understand the purpose in detail, it requires an extra amount of focus in reading and getting at the whole idea of the study. The purpose of the study is clear as stated on page 17 before the list of research questions; to quote,
Although the issue is most widely raised in the field of journalism, it is also onethat concerns blogs in the field of training and development. How do these bloggersdetermine what to write about? From where do they receive their information? And howdo they verify their information? That’s what this study intends to find out.
1.Who are the bloggers in the field? That is, what motivates them to blog and what qualifications do they believe they bring to the task?
2.What is their purpose in blogging? That is, what do they hope to accomplish? What influence do they hope to achieve, if any?
3.What do professionals in the educational technology who choose to blog choose to write about?
4.How do they select the content to report? How do they verify the content, if at all?
5.What evidence do the bloggers have of their influence?
The questions are posed from the perspective of the blogger i.e. emic perspective and to depart from the above questions, phenomenological qualitative research design was employed by the author.
Upon first reading of the thesis, I was overwhelmed with the usage of the word “blogs”. It has been used extensively throughout the thesis and I was lost in the commonly accepted nature of blogs as a social discourse and their questionable credibility as resources, or the study’s artefacts. However, after repeated reading, the whole discussion of the study could be generated into senses. The author had undeniably given an amount of explanation on efforts to ensure trustworthiness and credibility of the conclusions by using measures such as triangulation (p. 51-52). Context was carefully established in order to provide a clear view on the study of interest.
Salute to the author because it is apparent that she had carried out elaborate efforts in gathering literature on the topics of interest. The list of references is noticeably lengthy. It has, therefore, provided an ample framework for the study. Yet, the author discussed professional development and training in academic endeavour in a humble manner. Focus was given more on edubloggers and the blogs. This is totally relevant because the study itself seeks to understand the phenomenon experienced by the edubloggers through their blogging activities. Though the study is illuminated by a good amount of literature, grounded theory is to be established through four-month cross-case analysis of five case studies and artefact analysis.
This thesis analysis has indeed suggested strong positive reactions towards the study from the eyes of the audience i.e. me myself. The strength of this study was observable in its Chapter 4, in which the author narrated in detail the five cases under study and also Chapter 5, when the author put forth her findings and analysis of the results. These two parts of discussions were interesting readings. The recruitment process of the participants was elaborated. Each of the chosen cases has its background information, analysis of the entries and also its author’s perspective on the blog as derived from an interview. Care has been given to ensure confidentiality and anonymity of the participants.
As for the design and instrumentation of the study, they were emphasised in detail. A working knowledge on qualitative research would be very helpful in understanding the whole design and instrumentation. The research questions matched the research design advanced by the author. The data collection comes from the analysis of the artefacts i.e. the blogs to assess the content and interviews to identify the intentions and motivations of the bloggers. The data was analysed, as mentioned before, through triangulation using two methods from five blogs in order to reduce assumptions (p. 46).
Finally, data collection of this study is to be scrutinised. The author did not give any mentioned on specific dates on which the research instrument was administered. This is understood as the author had to observe all the five blogs’ contents daily until she was exhausted with the data gained. As for the interviews, suitable time was identified because the participants were greatly separated by time zones and geographical spaces. To reiterate the observation made in previous paragraph, a questionnaire was used as the study’s research instrument. However, it is important to highlight that in this study, the word “questionnaire” is not to be misunderstood with the typical questionnaire employed in a quantitative study. Questionnaire in this study refers to the proposed interview guide to be followed. There are eight guiding questions and the 45-60 minutes interview session was recorded.
In summation, this thesis has definitely provided critical mental and intellectual challenges in comprehending its content; yet, with wholesome depth and understanding of the subject matter. This study was highly qualitative in nature that readers of the thesis need to have an amount of knowledge in qualitative study in order to better understand the valuable gist that the thesis could provide. To end, there is a sense of satisfaction and completion after reading the thesis because the study has ventured into unique findings rather than the directed-to-confirm findings. Indeed, as one has been exposed to a qualitative study, the sense of richness and depth is something that might not be compromised with the other statistical laden type of research. An obvious laborious and rigorous data collection methodology yet, with an infinite sense of fulfilment. This is what this selected thesis has achieved.
Setelah sekian lama aku menyepi kini aku muncul kembali bersama semangat bulan yang mulia ini. Aku rasa amat gembira dan bersyukur kerana diizinkanNYA untuk menikmati bulan yang mulia ini sekali lagi. Alhamdulillah...
Kehidupan aku walaupun masih belum stabil dari segi kerjaya, aku gembira. Gembira mendapat dua kumpulan pelajar ASPER yang sungguh optimis dan kreative dalam mempelajari bahasa Inggeris. Yup! Aku juga gembira belajar walaupun minggu lepas aku ada berniat untuk tarik diri dari kelas Qualitative Research. Perghhh... namun, ku gagahkan jua semangat. Alang-alang menyeluk pekasam biar sampai ke pangkal lengan. Redah jerrr...
Kelas Creative Thinking yang berat dengan ilmu falsafah membuatkan hidupku bermakna walaupun aku hanya sit-in student sahaja. Apa lagi... oh ya, kelas Pak Aziz seperti biasa berstruktur dan menarik. Kini, aku cuma sedikit gelabah kerana masih banyak kertas peperiksaan yang belum ditanda. Fuhhhhh...
Menambahkan keriangan... esok, ya, esok Faiz akan sampai ke bumi Malaysia. Yehaaaaa!!! Disebabkan kapalterbang dia sampai pagi, aku tidak dapat menjemput beliau di KLIA. Aku ada kelas daaa... Oleh itu, tak sabar rasanya nak balik Melaka Jumaat ini untuk mencium bau kari Bangalore adindaku Faiz... hahahahaha...
Oraits... Kemas tak bahasa Malaysia o? Hahahaha... Sudah lama tidak menggunakan Bahasa Malaysia kemas, gian... tapi itu pun masih kurang kemas lagi... huhuuh...
Baiklah, kepada semua yang mengenali aku, walaupun sighnomore kurang aktif sejak dua menjak ini, aku ingin mengucapkan ribuan terima kasih di atas sokongan anda semua. Kurang aktif kerana sejak akhir-akhir ini aku kekurangan bahan untuk dikeluh kesahkan. Hidup semakin bermakna walau zahir dengan segala macam kesempitan. Alhamdulillah...
Aku doa'kan kalian mendapat erti sebenar berpuasa di bulan Ramadhan tahun ini. Selamat meneruskan ibadah puasa untuk semua dan pohon ampun maaf zahir dan batin di atas segala silap dan salah... aku hanya manusia biasa...
3 Ramadhan berlalu Jiwa pilu berbalut rindu Bonda tersayang al-Fatihah buatmu Ntah bila kan bertemu...
it is so unfair... everytime i blog, it must be something sad and pathetic... what the heck... i guess this is the place where i can thrash out all those dirts...
hmmm... nothing much... i don't want to elaborate... i just want to jot down this...
I AM TERRIBLY SAD!
ok... till later i don't know when... erkk... don't misunderstood me... my life has been a lovely one... free floating spirit... a bliss... it is just this one time that i can't stand it...
all the best to me and may Allah bless my worldly journey as a lowly servant... amin...
It comes again and I am still alive to live the first day of the year.
I shouldn't say that this first day of the year was welcomed with joy and happiness. It was not. Sad memories it is full with. Recollections it is full with. Every single pieces was replayed vividly. Of those sorrow moments three years ago.
I reflected and recounted. I've found out that I've wasted so much time on nothing. I've found out that there are more to do in order to further know my own self. I've found out that need to progress in terms of being an 'abd and a khalifah.
I cried and cried and cried. But, crying won't help.
Stand up! Pull self together! March forward! Hijrah!
I promise myself that this new 1429 Hijrah year would be different. Insya-Allah.
i can't sleep... i passed out after 6pm and woke up at 11pm... my body is still not functioning accordingly... luckily i will not be having any classes for these remaining days of the week...
yesterday i experienced series of vomitting and bloating... very bad indeed... everything was poured onto my bed... i was terribly weak and hardly had any strength to move my muscles... my sugar reading was 17.3... ayah called all my sisters and brothers to transfer his scolds to me... he would never speak directly to me... i don't understand why... then my sisters and brothers would scold me for having to bear ayah's nags which were all directed to me... they were the "media"... hmmm... funny huh? a unique father and the eldest child relationship... feel so sorry for my sisters and brothers...
i am still recuperating... they wanted to admit me into the wards but i told them i was ok...
Another year and another chapter of life. Indeed, how time flies.
It was a moment ago I jotted down my thoughts for the 2007 iltizam. 365 days ago and three years since my mom answered His call.
I am still the same me. But, with few pages of good differences on the chapters of my life. Wretched by trials and tribulations in terms of health and wealth, I am still standing strong in spirit and mind.
Alhamdulillah... I pray and hope that 2008 will bring better livelihood, better health and sufficient resources to support my brief worldly life. I do not hope for the beyond, just hope to became a better 'abd as time goes on.
Though I am not celebrating Masehi calendar year, it is my wish that 2008 will bring goodness for everybody on earth.
