semenjak dua menjak aku dapat limited access to the internet nih tidak dapat dinafikan yang sighnomore nih macam payah sikit aku nak update setiap hari... kengkadang tuh macam-macam benda yang aku nak bebelkan tetapi terpaksa kena suppress sikit limpahan ilham tuh... jangan tidak-tidak paling kurang pun aku membebel dalam handwritten offline diary aku ajek especially cerita-ceriti yang blues dan sengal-sengal yang aku rasa macam no biggie dan tak perlu la orang lain pun turut sengal jugak... jadik la untuk aku buat lepas gian... hehehe... so... kali nih aku nak melepas gian kat sighnomore la pulak... amik kau... punya la panjang entry aku kali nih... bekalan sampai end of month gamoknya... errk... aku online fortnightly nih pun dah kira okay sesangat aperrr... at least setiap bulan sighnomore ada dua atau tiga entries... ikutkan hati memang la aku nak mengganas setiap hari but this is the most that I can do at the moment... isk la... bila la yek aku nak betulkan modem tuh... ermmm... flat broke... terribly unemployed... so... shut up and zip it! hehehe...
[19th. April 2004 - 4.30 p.m. - Jasin masih panas lagi terik - aku stinky tapi aku dan air masih belum ada jodoh lagi... maybe later...]
Lately it has been a hassle for me to differentiate between a reality and a fantasy. A friend once invoked an idea of writing a dream journal but how can I write a dream journal when there seems to be no distinction between what is real and what is surreal?
Thanks to the Almighty for blessing me with a night sleep. Since I've decided to have no more trips to the hospital, alhamdulillah, insomnia has ceased to become my ally. Nevertheless, with every blessings there exists hidden tests. I was flabbergasted by my own dreams.
The chains of dark episodes of fighting with demons and being possessed by dark spirits were not the least of what I expected from a 'good' night sleep. Though I mostly woke up with triumphed endings, waking up with sweats and thumping headaches were somewhat phenomenal. Bad huh? There was this one dream that I remember clearly. Full with every unimaginable demons and scary spirits. The setting of the episode was in hospital Melaka. Yeah right! As if there was no other haunted places in this world. I couldn't recall how it started but I still remember being possessed by an evil spirit and talking nonsense as if I was chanting somekind of mantera.
This episode happened when I was half asleep and half awaken, seemed like in a limbo. Do you understand what I'm getting at here? It is the situation when you are still fast asleep and most importantly still clearly dreaming yet you are physically aware that your mouth is chanting whatever it is that happens in your dream. You can hear and are aware that you are saying something but to your ears it is in a bunch of rambles. To others, they might say that you are having nightmares and sometimes they might clearly catch your rambles as strings of comprehended words or sentences. So, this happens to me frequently these days. Though I am blessed with an early 'good' night sleep, my sleep is full with foul delusions.
Coming back to the narration about my ghostly dream. I managed to set myself free from the evil spirit that possessed me. Then, I fought with every single demons and evil creatures in hospital Melaka until the hospital was free from any evil beings. I won, obviously. A very tiring dream indeed. However, apart from the scary looking creatures, I was happy when I woke up because I had successfully practiced the martial arts that I've learnt over those devils. Yeaaa! Though it was just a dream, still, yeaaa! Poetic Justice!
Apart from the ghosts, etc., I also had wacky episodes of food related dreams. Eating lots and lots of cheesy cheesecakes, juicy barbequed steaks, fresh strawberries dipped in hershey choc, satay Kajang, mee sop Selandar, pizzas, pastas - to name the few - were indeed some delicious dreams. When I narrated all these to mak, she said that these were not good dreams though they felt yummy. What a party pooper! Mak said that it would suggest that there was something wrong with my physical well being. My brain kept thinking about food where it should work on thinking about something else such as my study, perhaps. I was genuinely stoked with this piece of thought thrown by my own mother. Well... If I must give a thought to it, if I must, I should say that it might be a form of unexpressed escapism due to my intentional detachment from thinking about all the serious'es' and all the adult thingies, to not thinking about the things that I dreaded most. As a result, its escapism was mirrored in my dreams in such wicked delicious ways. Reflecting upon the mirrored dimensions of my delicious dreams, my salivary excitement has managed to diminish up to the minutest drips.
Oh dear... I've just realised it... I am still living in the past... my hoohaa about living and reaping the present has turned out to be a cruel joke which I've orchestrated on my own self. A fake mask to hide fake feelings. Oh dear!
[... continuation ... 1.25 a.m. - 20th. April 2004]
What a day!
Actually, when I'm going to type this following piece, I am highly caffeinated after getting sloshed with 1/2 gallon of iced kopi Cap Kapal Api while watching "Whatever It Takes" on TV2 this evening, another dose of Na Zha... huh... what's his real name ya? Now, after watching "Pillow Talk", - such an excellent talk show! very much reminds me of her world and cleo, the audiovisual form of the mags' contents i should say - I'm desperately trying to pH balance the caffeine attack with lots and lots of pottasium. I'm chimpanzeeing myself out! Kuang! Kuang! Kuang! A healthy late night snack? You bet!
I choose not to define the creepiness that was experienced by ayah and me during our encounter as a tale. It was totally true. As for the tale of events that puts Bayeed as the rawi or narrator, it is up to you either to believe it or not because we didn't witness anything that he had done. If he made these things up, do forgive me for the unwitting lies. If he was truly involved in the tale, then the creepiness was truly founded and indisputable. Above all he is only a Bayeed. Hik! Hik! Hik!
Last week, we - my family and me - were having tight security checks every night before going to bed. Ayah took an extra measure to bring all his gardening tools into the house and put them properly inside our kitchen store. Anything sharp and could be used as weapons were cleared out of sight. It was creepy. Somebody tried to break into our house twice but alhamdulillah with Allah's protection that person failed to do so.
The first attempt was subtly done without us realising it last Monday night. All I knew, as if it was a dream, I heard someone was scurrying behind my room. I heard the sound of jacket or might be plastic pants fizzling against each other indistinctly. I startled from my confused slumber and as curious as ever trying to clarify my figment of imagination. Was it real or was it just only a part of my dream episodes. As I said earlier, my experiences of reality and fantasy seem like they have merged into an indistinguishable oneness. So, I opened my room's door, went out and found ayah who had just switched on the kitchen's lamp and was getting ready to cook some dishes as a treat for his fellow colleagues. It was 5 something in the morning. I asked ayah whether he heard anything strange and did he hear the sound of someone running behind our house. Ayah said yes he heard it too. Yes! It was real! Together we checked it out through the kitchen's, my room's and the living room's windows but nobody was there. We didn't take any extra miles to thoroughly check out the outer parameter. Ayah got cookings to do and I badly wanted to doze off again. Pasrah!
Later that evening, Bayeed told us that he had tekan ayat onto that person which made this person lost his way out from our house compound. The person was fumbling for his way out until it was near subuh. Bayeed said that the person had cast a spell on everyone under the roof. Even he himself had to fight his gluey eyes and that was when he sensed something strange in the air. No wonder everybody went to bed so early that night including myself. I was incredibly sleepy though it was only 10 p.m. Creepy huh?
The following night, though I strived hard not to fall asleep and stayed on-guard, I failed. The same person came again. Bayeed said that this time he hambat that person and he disappeared under the durian tree behind our house ~snap!~ just like that. Well... We are far from rich. Our house is only loaded with books and lots of books. We do not own any home theatre and we do not even have Astro. Hard cash and gold? Hahaha... Females in this house are allergic to gold and with due respect I have only 5 ringgit in my wallet. So, what on earth this fella was looking after? Bayeed said that this fella might be looking after besi buruk for the purpose of tarik duit or worst, he was trying to practice his black magic on us since this is the month of Safar. Ain't that creepy?
Previously, there were some attempts made by some hooligans to enter our house. Have I narrated about it in my earlier blogs? Splats of green sputum on our kitchen doors and several times we found lumps of human excrement behind our house, at the same place with the same physical features everytime. Alhamdullillah... so far things are under control. We pray and hope that Allah will always protect us from any evil doings. I guess we should notify mister police about this so that they will double their rounds in our area. Hmmm... Wise?
Hmmm... It has been quite some time since my frequent coming back home as late as 1 or 2 in the morning from the training field. At least there would be somebody whose adrenaline was still highly pumped to scare off those scoundrels from their evil attempts. How I truly miss that active life! Not like this.
Creep! I am not here yet. This is still not me. Where are you Mummy? Oh woe is me! I am so so vain.
Okesh! Wrap up! This coming weekend Dila and Arif will be coming home. The Johorians might not because Angah will be buzzing around busily. She has borrowed Harry Potter's magic wand and will zap herself into an alligator. Kah! Kah! Kah! She has to invigilate MUET exam over the weekend at her school. Alligator = Invigilator. Get the clue? I miss Sofea so mucho.
At the end of the month after Labour's Day, we will be having AGM, Majlis Penyampaian Sijil, Majlis Makan Malam and Hari Tenaga Pengajar just like the ones I attended in Kuantan last year. This year, the event will be held so nearby to home - as in Ayer Keroh, Melaka - that it surely freaks me out hearing the clock ticking tocking to the appointed date. Hehehe... I'm making a mountain out of a molehill here. I am not chickening out and of course I still and do have a very thick face. It's the Q&A 'session' about my dawdling disappearance that I would dread the most. I am definitely sure that many will prop up question marks about my whence about... again... bummer! *wink* *wink*
Ok la... okay... I'll stop myself here. I have a new found sengal that I really want to jot down in my diary. Sengal very the sengal. Okie tokie! Early wishes from me for those who will celebrate the following events out there.
Selamat Merai'kan Hari Maulidur Rasul!
Happy Wesak Day!
![Buli: Hidup Jangan Jadi Mangsa! [Afdlin Shauki's]](http://home.ripway.com/2003-7/14558/Calvin_scared.gif)
